Taylor's POV
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Mexican food goes down a treat and before Matthew heads up for a shower he settles me onto the sofa with a blanket around me, the fire is alight and I close my eyes.
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Every single thought that comes into my head surrounds Harper, the baby that I lost. Even with my eyes closed. I pull Matthew's shirt down and decisively try to take charge of my own mind. I think about him instead, Matthew's curls and the way they drop and fall over his forehead, the green eyes that look up into mine. I smile tracing my hands over my thighs, feeling the soft material of his shirt, the scent of his aftershave emanating from the shirt. Hearing the water thunder upstairs from his shower I decide thinking about him in the shower would be the best release. The way the water drops down his forehead, and his little smirk.
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My libido has increased since being pregnant, to a point where I cannot get enough of sex. I think about how Matthew kisses me, his strong hands and how capable he is in bed. My hand teases around my inner thighs, just like he showed me. Just a light finger stroke and I'm getting carried away.
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My phone buzzes on my chest and I jump slightly, I answer it with one hand stopping my illicit behaviour at once. The shower thundering down water upstairs as I take a deep breath and wait for whomever is interrupting my moment to talk.
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"Hey" he says and instantly my tummy seizes up, it's like he has a radar. Informing him when I'm horny and telling him that now would be a good time to turn his charm on.
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"Jay" I say shocked at how breathless I am. Surprised how just two words can be so charged with sexual tension.
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There's a slight pause as I move my hand just a few inches to my thigh, predator that he is I know that Jay has detected my mood. And I should hang up, disconnect the call.
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"Now is actually not the best time" I whisper.
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"Why did you answer then" he says seductively and I breathe out a breath I hadn't realised I had been holding onto.
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"Why's it not a good time babe?" He asks and I can see him smiling mischievously in my head. His lips and piercing eyes, just like in the embarrassing dreams I've had of him.
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"Oh you do not need to know" I say flustered, and I'm backing myself into this corner with him.
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"Mmm well I'm sitting here trying to watch my flat screen and I can't stop thinking about you" he says silkily before pausing and assessing. I hold my breath, begging myself not to betray my actions and sigh down the phone. Really what girl wouldn't want to be admired by Jay. He's drop dead gorgeous and it's a huge compliment.
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"Your lips Taylor. Particularly the way you bite them" he continues softly. Another pause and I breathe out steadily, his voice sending me places and commanding me to be bad Taylor.
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"You are in a good mood, normally you would have shut me down by now" he says stunned.
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"Mmm Taylor please talk to me" he sighs and my hand finds its way to where it needs to be.
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"Jay what was it you wanted ?" I say trying to squash my needs and desires.
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"I wanted to talk to you" he says softly.
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"Preferably I want you here, but I get that's not gonna happen" he adds and my tummy flips.
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"Why do you want me, Jay" I ask him breathlessly and he gasps slightly before recovering.
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A big sigh before he talks, I feel that sigh and I gasp slightly.
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"Because I think I'm in love with you" he laughs and I chuckle.
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"Because you are hot and won't let me get close to you, because I want you. Because you are the only girl to come by and want to look at my books and my art. Because you make me annoyed and you challenge me. And you stood up for me" he says cutely and I smile.
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"Is that enough yet?" He sighs softly.
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"Ohh I know what you're doing" he teases me.
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"It's why you didn't even question answering to me" he adds and his voice is like silk.
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"Normally you would overthink but you were turned on. And you're not with Matty otherwise you wouldn't let me talk to you like this" he explains, and I can feel his grin.
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"Jay you're really good at working shit out" I whisper and he sighs down the phone.
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"It's not the only thing I'm good at baby" he says seductively.
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"Stop" I chuckle.
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"Keep touching yourself Taylor" he whispers and I moan slightly, just the tiniest noise escapes my lips as I move my fingers.
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"You're bad" I whisper and I feel his lips on me again, just as I remembered them. From that little locked away box in my mind which I swore to keep untouched, he opens up my memories and I sigh.
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"You only like my bad side" he says softly and I feel wild, alive. I gasp thinking about him, on me, his lips and how they went over my chest when we made out.
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"You're bad too Taylor" he whispers and this whole situation is the definition of bad.
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"I could hear straight away how turned on you were when you answered the phone." He sighs and I moan.
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"That feels nice right, imagine my hands touching you. My lips on yours" he says and I feel like I'm coming undone all at once.
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"Do you want that Taylor?" He says breathlessly.
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"Jay" I moan and he goes absolutely silent briefly.
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"Answer me Taylor, do you want me" he asks and his voice is intense, commanding.
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"Mmmhmmm" I manage gasping.
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"Baby" he sighs down the phone and I slip just one finger in, losing all control to him and his southern voice.
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"Where are your hands Taylor" he smiles down the phone.
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"You know where they are" I whisper and he practically growls.
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"One is holding my phone, one is between my thighs" I tell him.
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"Oh to be in between your thighs" he chuckles and I build up momentum.
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"I would literally kill to be inside of you" he sighs and I quiver.
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"I would start off with my head on your chest Taylor, my lips and tongue going all over your nipples, kissing down your waist which is perfect by the way" he says breathlessly as I pant.
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"Fuck" I say softly.
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"Mmm baby" he sighs.
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"Kissing your thighs with my hands grasping onto your hips" he moans.
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"Jay" I whisper as I feel the pressure disperse.
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"Taylor" he calls out and I breathe steadily. Instant guilt falls over me and shame. The hate I feel creeps up on me and I damn myself.
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"Fuck me, that was different" he says surprised.
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"My fault I shouldn't have answered my phone." I say regaining my breath.
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"I want to kiss you" he whispers.
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"Don't be so naughty" I tell him and he chuckles.
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"I won't say a word, I swore I'd leave you alone it's my fault" he says softly.
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"Matthew told you to not talk to me" I ask him.
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"He forbade me to even look at you Taylor" he laughs.
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"So I'm breaking a lot of promises even calling you" he sighs.
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"I understand" I say softly.
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"Hey are you okay" he says softly.
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"I'm fine" I tell him wiping my eyes.
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"You're not, one I'm good at reading people, two I'm very very good at deciphering your tone by now Taylor" he says softly.
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"I'm just in a bit of a bad place" I mutter I cannot tell him about the babies, it's isolating. Girls that go through trauma shouldn't answer calls to their fantasy men, they should call their besties instead. Yet nobody knows about the pregnancy, and even more than ever I want to keep it an absolute secret in case something else happens.
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"Hey I'm sorry" he says softly and I sob.
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"Can I do anything to help" he says instantly and I dry my eyes.
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"Don't leave me" I say to him before I hold my tongue and I feel him sigh.
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"I won't" he says softly and my eyes trickle with tears, thinking of the baby and just crying. I cannot cry to Matthew, he is going through the motions too, and I don't want to set him off. I don't want him to feel my sorrow alongside his own.
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"Okay so I was actually looking at more art, I found this print" he says softly and I close my eyes.
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"It's not a landscape, it's actually what I would have described as terrible" he laughs and I chuckle.
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"When I was seriously ignorant my mother would show me stuff and I would scoff, she likes romantic art. People and drawings of moments in time." He explains and I nod.
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"So anyways this piece is one of those" he laughs and I chuckle. Jay explains the art to me in detail, the colours and the texture of the piece. The possible narrative behind it and what it could possibly mean. Breathing deeply I hear him calling out my name and then a brief chuckle, before I fall asleep.
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