Taylor's POV
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I'm convinced the sun is glaring at me, through the windows as I wake up far too late. Taunting me, telling me that I've slept in way too late and left Jay to do all of the work this morning. Sitting myself up in our sheets I squint looking out at the fields and vines beyond the garden.
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Jay experienced a fair amount of shock pulling me out of our pool and saving my life, I'm almost positive that it's sent him crazy not knowing what possessed me to almost end my life. He had dragged my heavy body out of the water and draped my arms over his shoulder as he pulled me into the house out of the sun. The water dripping all over our spotless kitchen floor as I collapsed breathlessly, coughing all over the kitchen island. He had held my hair back as I threw up in the sink three times.
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Jay, out of sheer panic, had summoned a private doctor. Flown him in on a helicopter to aid the doctor's timely arrival. He performed checks on me which I now cannot even remember. Only his white cloak and cold instruments that passed over my skin checking my vital organs are cemented in my memory. I'm sure the doctor declared me to be safe and sound, despite the hurling and the pain I had passed out on the sofa. The headache I woke up to was worse than any hangover I have ever experienced. Like a sword slicing through my brain. Jay had eyed me worried about my mental state, and most likely wondering whether I had lost all mental capacity whilst I stared up at the ceiling and the chandeliers waiting for my breathing and my lungs to feel normal again.
The pain that resurfaced from the reminder of Jacob’s unwanted sexual advances were merely mental but the physical damage I had imposed upon myself began haunting me. It was in how I moved more gingerly than usual up to bed, how I breathed shallowly and in that I couldn't keep food down.
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Sinking back down into the sheets so that my head is almost entirely covered by the white sheets and so that the sun cannot penetrate onto my skin at all. Sobbing and allowing myself to cry and feel sorry for myself as I curl into a ball hugging my knees into my chest. Coughing makes me ache as I wipe my face clear of tears, my hair a tangled mess as I lay there in the foetal position.
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"Taylor, Mon amour" I hear him whisper as the bed creaks and I feel his arms surround me over the cover. His voice makes me cry even as I pull myself out of the covers and face him. My eyes most likely red and puffy from the sobbing. His face softens as he climbs into the bed and holds me.
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"I owe you an explanation" I begin breathing into his chest and inhaling his scent.
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"Shhhh when you're ready" he whispers his strong hands pulling me into him. Jay had asked his parents, Claire and Andrew whether they could arrive in a few days. This was instead of the original plan, which would have meant entertaining them on the same day in which he found me unconscious floating in our pool. The image haunts him, I'm aware of the pain I put him through. Honestly at the time, I had felt utterly consumed by panic and being submerged under water eased that. It offered nothingness, it offered peace that was preferable. I lost sight of perspective; my life is worth living especially as I have a beautiful baby and truly exceptional husband.
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"I'm ready" I tell him softly as Henry sleeps soundly in the crib fastened to our bed.
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"Jacob messaged me" I begin softly and he curses before holding his tongue.
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"He said a lot and it all angered me. Some crap about having to get away from it all himself which made me seething." I explain softly.
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"I felt that pain again, saw the panic. I stepped into the pool and just walked right into the middle wanting to forget about the entire thing. I kept replaying it in my mind, feeling him on my skin. And the water washed it all off of me." I say to him as he watches me, a mix of understanding and worry.
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"I wanted it away from me, and I just stayed underwater" I tell him as his face clouds with anger.
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"I needed nothing, I needed it to stop" I
tell him trying my best to explain the situation to him.
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"He had made me feel powerless and useless, trying to use me up. That moment in my head wouldn't leave me be" I sob as he pulls me in, relief emanating from him. His strong embrace making me feel safe and secure.
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"I can't tell you how much I love you, I need you and will need you for the rest of my life. I don't know what was going through my mind to put myself in that situation. The only thing I know is that I never want to see or hear from Jacob again" I say to him, feeling his heart beat as I rest in his arms.
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"You will never have to look at or speak to him ever again." He whispers before pulling me to face him, lifting up my chin and kissing me.
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"I love you, I will keep you safe for the rest of our lives" he whispers and I believe him, truly I do.
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Having explained my dramatic episode to Jay I finally climb into the shower. Although I feel weak, it's important that in order to feel like a normal living breathing human again that I wash up and get dressed. Plus Italy's bathroom is exquisite from the arched windows that look over the vineyards to the marble pillars. It offers a cream marble tiled wet room, complete with a small jacuzzi. Standing under the stream of hot steamy water, I wash myself throughly, scrubbing myself absolutely clean and telling myself that this shower puts an end to the whole thing. No longer will I think about that night and how it has undoubtedly affected me.
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Once clean Jay helps me to dress, my chest still burns as he slips my black camisole dress over my bikini. His smile mends my heart before he kisses my forehead telling me that I'm the strongest person he's ever known. For a day in the sun sipping wine, I decide that light makeup is the way forward. Recently I've opted for crimson lips and a sun baked glow. Blow drying my hair and using the fanciest oils I own is imperative in order to detangle and successful tame my mane. As I brush it through I notice the light brown and almost golden blonde highlights decorating my ends as a result from the sun.
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Claire and Andrew will be arriving later and so another new Italian dish will be on the menu for their arrival, I'm sure Jay and I can impress them with our cooking skills as they watch over Henry, and dote over their grandson.
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Holding my son again after the tragedy of the past couple of days is like nothing else. His angelic blue eyes gaze up at me as I feed him on the terrace looking out at the sun and how it glistens, high in the sky. Directly above us it beams down as I place on his blue cap and stroke his soft hands. Jay has suitably dressed him in a chambray romper with little cotton socks. The blue of the romper matching his eyes as he falls asleep in my arms and I pull my cami back up placing him down in the ornate bassinet that we keep on the terrace under the parasol. Draping a breathable cotton blanket over him and kissing his cheek before returning to my lounger and sipping my frozen latte. Staring at the water determined not to see myself drowning under the surface of it.
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