Taylor's POV
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"I'm going to bake you all a desert" I smile up at Jay, sprawled out over his knee with my arm hooked around his neck. The tension from earlier has thawed out, Claire has been serving up beers for the guys, and I'm positive they're all squiffy. I lit the candles in the centre piece of our oak table and the moonlight shines through the window. My playlist is on, because I'm the best with music, had you of asked my husband Jay we would have ended up with a whole host of Johnny cash songs.
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"Taylor would you like some wine?" Claire calls over to me. We haven't informed anybody apart from Ross and Matthew inadvertently of my impending second baby that is very early days.
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"Shall we?" I whisper in Jay's ear as I stroke his blonde hair back and smile.
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"Mhmm" he replies and I giggle.
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"I'm actually pregnant" I smile over at her as she turns around and gasps. Crossing the kitchen quickly and pulling me into her arms as I stand up with tears in my eyes.
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"You're so cheeky, I wondered why you hadn't touched any of the bottle" she laughs and I smile at her as she wipes her eyes and gasps again.
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"My darling are you okay?" She says softly looking down at me as Jay rubs my back whilst I stand up by his chair.
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"Honestly it's super early on. So who knows what might happen" I say slightly jaded as she nods, Claire has experienced many miscarriages and so she understands the worries and anxieties that come along with being in the early stages of pregnancy.
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"Of course" she smiles holding onto me.
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"Rest, take it easy. I know that's easy for me to say when you're a new mom. But we're all here to take the pressure off for you" she comments smiling.
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"No wine for you" she laughs before looking at Jay, her son, and pulling him in for a hug next. He smiles over her shoulder at me and I blush. Her short bob hair the exact match to his locks and Henry's blonde hair too. I begin to wonder just briefly whether the baby will be blonde or whether he or she will take on my darker hair. These little dreams are early days however they allow me to look toward the future instead of worry about the present. I love you Jay mouths to me, winking as I take a seat and tell him that I love him right back.
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"Of course mom" he whispers adorably after she releases him having whispered in his ear something indecipherable.
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"I'm going to find Henry and Dad" he smiles down at me, kissing me tenderly.
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"Daddy duties huh" Ross laughs as Jay swipes the brandy bottle from the table.
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"Cake will be ready for when you're back" I say to him as he leans down and kisses my lips before rubbing my tummy.
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"You're the best wife in the entire universe" he whispers before standing again.
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"And yes daddy duties" he laughs flicking his eyes up to Ross before he leaves the room. Claire follows him as I stand and head over to the pantry. A separate room next to the wine cellar that is just full to the brim with baking essentials and cooking ingredients, produce that we have garnered from local stores. The second I waltz into the large wooden beamed room, the lights illuminate all of the racks. Wooden shelves at the far wall hold the baking ingredients I need, as I walk over to them I take in the scent of the fresh bread mixed in with our herbs which grow in small planters on one of the ledges.
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Pacing over tiled floor, checking off the things I need for my devils food cake. Listing them in my head; plain flour, bicarbonate of soda, baking powder, muscovado sugar, espresso and vanilla extract. Grasping my wicker basket, so that I can carry it all conveniently up to the kitchen.
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The sugar and the coffee I find easily, placing them in my basket before swaying over to the next rack in my black dress. I ponder looking through the maze of shelves. Resting the wicker basket down I look up at the plain flour and sigh realising that I need the stool to climb on in order to reach it.
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Just as I'm on my tip toes, abandoning the effort of having to retrieve the stool, two arms swirl around my waist. I know that it's not Jay because he always speaks to me first or says my name in his dulcet southern tone, neither is it Ross because he doesn't have a ring on his engagement finger that I put there as a symbol of our eternity years ago. Silently those hands reach over my tummy; over the folds of my dress as he embraces me.
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"I thought you were against me being pregnant" I whisper feeling his hands on my waist, as I attempt to breathe steadily. Releasing me he stretches and retrieves the flour, placing it in my wicker basket.
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"I will stick by all of your life choices. I was merely worried for you" he whispers in my ear as I try to put some distance between us practically walking into the shelves before he wraps me up in those arms again. I daren't turn around and look at him, his eyes have watched me possessively since he returned from London.
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"Matthew" I warn him as he traces a finger up my side.
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"I missed you" he whispers as his lips just briefly touch my neck, his tone protesting all of my warnings.
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"Matthew" I repeat in a whisper as he shh's me holding me from behind. His strong hands massaging my waist and travelling up to my cleavage.
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"Can you grab me the vanilla extract, and two large bars of chocolate" I ask him before any of this escalates, I'm a married and pregnant woman he must not touch me.
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"Yes boss" he whispers planting one kiss on my neck before he goes to retrieve the other items.
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"How was London ? Other than what you've already told me" I say following him through the shelves as he holds onto the wicker basket, his white shirt unbuttoned and his brunette hair swept back.
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"Imagine, you and Jay had always planned to come here, in your head at least. And then for whatever reason you ended up travelling here alone, without the plans and hopes you needed to make happen." He whispers and I nod, realising that the crux of this is that he's moving further away from me and I'm not protesting his moves. He's desperate to be physically close to me, because he knows that I'm pushing him out.
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"I'm sorry" I whisper as he places the vanilla in the basket.
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"Don't ever be sorry. I just had these ideas in my head and even though Ross was a great friend, it wasn't like taking the love of my life" he explains facing me, Matthew's green eyes stare into my own with intent and I think of shying away from the intensity of them.
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"We need cocoa powder and icing sugar" I say instead practically darting from his vicinity to find the last couple of items. Wondering what he's playing at unleashing all of his charm on me when he knows that I'm married and pregnant with his best friend's baby, it's true that it hasn't stopped him before. But I had assumed we were no longer going to complicate one another's lives. I grab the items and place them into the basket as he smirks watching me amused.
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"Is that everything" he chuckles as I watch his lips just briefly.
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"Mhmm that's everything" I say softly before turning to the distant light of the kitchen and the door ahead as he grasps my hand and I face him. Taking in the sincerity of his eyes before he speaks. The closeness of his body and his hands having ditched the wicker basket, holding onto my back.
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"You are so beautiful, I couldn't imagine a life without you" he whispers searching my eyes and I know that he's talking about my near death experience.
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"I do not ever want to imagine a life where you no longer exist" he says as I nod my head unable to find words before we disentangle ourselves from one another and walk back up to the kitchen.
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***
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"It's important when you bake something that you always make it with a bit of patience and just a touch of love too" I smile over at Matthew as he leans against the side with his bottle of beer. Dividing the cake batter between my two greased tins as Ross switches up my playlist to something more upbeat.
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“Love is an ingredient in cooking” Ross chortles as he walks over to the double gas oven and eyes our progress.
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“Of course it’s an important and essential part to anything you do, including cooking” I smile up at him.
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“Things go right when you love them enough” I say looking down at the two tins and smiling. Placing them in the oven to bake I set the timer before standing up and stretching.
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“Now we must make the icing” I giggle beginning to order Ross around. He produces the ingredients I need and a glass bowl as I set to work.
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“You feeling better now, Taylor” he asks directly watching me work with the ingredients.
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“What after climbing into my pool and submerging myself” I ask looking into the dark brown chocolate cocoa powder instead of at him.
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“What happened?” He asks me softly and Matthew inhales sharply worried by his probing, yet I happen to admire his directness and in all honesty it may be good to talk about it. Air out the trauma.
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“I was all good, maybe a touch more emotional than normal. I put it down to being postpartum but really it was most likely due to the pregnancy which I hadn’t even realised yet. I had a message from Jacob. Explaining that he was taking some space from the states, weirdly he was visiting England too. And it angered me so much that he felt he was a victim. He went on about how sorry he was, somehow it meant nothing to me. Other than making me feel utterly trapped and isolated in that moment again.” I begin swirling the icing with a spatula. Matthew and Ross had been at the party when the incident occurred, Matthew had held me that night too. Jay had dealt with Jacob himself.
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“I’ll never escape him. And him contacting me after… well let’s just say it affected me. I just walked into the water, it felt refreshing. Quiet. Like I couldn’t hear him anymore. Like I was washing myself away” I say blissfully feeling numb as Ross hugs me.
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“You’re so strong and resilient” he whispers rubbing my back.
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“And just so you know, you’re going to be just fine. You’re going to bring another beautiful baby into the world and he or she is going to look just like you. Beautiful” he whispers as I wipe my eyes of tears.
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“Thanks for being my rock” I giggle slightly.
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“Always” he says giving me some space as I finish off the icing.
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“I don’t deserve the both of you” I say turning to look at the two wonderful men in my kitchen. Both have been more than my friend at some point in our convoluted history that is true, and even though none of us are romantically involved with one another they both still mean the world to me.
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“Now tell me all about your adventures in London, I missed you both” I laugh as Matthew eyes me carefully. A lingering stare that tells me, it won’t be the end of that particular conversation concerning Jacob.
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“There is not really much to tell” Ross giggles as the timer goes off for the sponges and I jump slightly.
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“Here” Matthew says grasping the gloves and opening the large oven to retrieve them.
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“Oh there always is when you send me photos of sex shops” I laugh trying to lighten the mood.
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“I just can’t believe how many types of dildos there are” Ross laughs and I choke on my water.
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“I guess it’s not one size fits all” I giggle as I swirl the icing readying it for the cake once the sponges cool. We place the sponges on a wire rack as Ross gets two more beers and pours me a glass of orange juice with ice and I thank him.
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“Oh come on these were like something else, made me feel slightly insecure” he laughs as we all take a seat at the kitchen island under the chandelier.
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“You have nothing to feel insecure about” I laugh before I realise the implications of my statement. Gazing down into my lap briefly with my cheeks reddening.
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“Thank you that helps” he laughs as Matthew still simmers in the emotions from the conversation we just shared about Jacob. He sips his beer, it’s something I’ve realised about him after the many years I’ve known him for. The way he holds his jaw set when he cannot move past something.
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“Did you buy anything from the sex shop” I laugh ruffling Matthew’s hair before I walk over to the oven and check on the temperature of the cake. Intent on keeping him calm and reassuring him.
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“Of course not” Ross laughs answering for the both of them, eyeing Matthew just briefly. Ross tells me stories about the tubes and how they are chaotic and loud. He proceeds to list the monuments that they saw and the food they ate. It makes me smile listening to him as I ice the cake in the sumptuous chocolate icing creating swirls on the top for effect.
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“I think London is on my bucket list.” I laugh eyeing Matthew before I finish the cake.
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“It’s something else” Ross laughs as I take a step back from my masterpiece and examine it. Declaring it to be a very good first try, noticing how it is evenly baked and hasn’t sunk. The icing is rich as I take a small amount from the leftovers on a wooden spoon and try it myself. Before scooping up some more for the guys to test. They shower the icing with compliments and I giggle before serving the cake to them with ice cream.
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