"Jay lovely to see you again" my mum is saying to him hugging him like he is her own son. He smiles and stands proudly next to me. One arm resting behind my back.
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"Lovely to see you Mrs Harris" he says.
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"My darling" she says focusing her attention on me.
"Look at this tan!" She smiles.
"Now I want to see all of the pictures" she says holding my hand. Her head cranes down to my hands and she gasps. Full on gasps in shock.
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"Well my goodness. Is that what I think it is" she smiles looking between the both of us.
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"That is wow. Quite something." She smiles looking at our grins.
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"Of course with your permission, I would love to spend the rest of my life with Taylor" Jay says.
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"Jay I couldn't ever think of anybody more suited to Taylor. You do not even have to ask me" she smiles
"No objections here I can see how happy she is." She smiles inspecting my finger and our tattoo.
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"That was my idea" I laugh.
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"It's beautiful" she says.
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We're at a restaurant in town. We flew back in yesterday and Jay took care of everything. Because there are two types of people in relationships. Ones like Jay who plan and make things work. And ones like me that go with the flow and hope for the best. We combine well. Our bags are unpacked, we are seated at our booking in a cosy Italian bistro with my mum and pasta is on its way. I'm sipping my wine and smiling.
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"So we got our initials on our fingers and the date on our chest." I say
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"It was a bit impulsive but it was the right thing to do" I explain. My mum smiles at me.
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"Beautiful so when is the wedding" she smiles, in her element. I will have to stop her from getting carried away and asking for grandchildren.
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"We want a summer wedding, in Sydney" I explain.
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"Wow" she exclaims.
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"I'll be waiting for the invite" she smiles.
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Our mains arrive and she smiles looking at me tucking into my pasta.
"Taylor" she begins slightly unsure. She eyes Jay and then proceeds.
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"Now it seems the right time. Odd really actually that this should all be happening for you and at the same time..." she explains.
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"Mum spit it out" I smile.
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"It's... it's your dad. Actually. He has written you. And I've brought it with me." She explains pulling a small envelope out of her purse.
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My dad. I freeze a little and Jay massages my leg under the table. I haven't spoken about my dad. To anybody. He's not an awful person, he's not aggressive or violent. He's just not present. Not available and never has been. So I ceased asking for him or about him, because there was never anything for me there.
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I take the envelope and eye it with curiosity. I place it in my purse.
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“I will read it, I just don’t know why he would write after a long time” I say to myself. The last time I saw him was when I was around 6 years old. He took me to the beach and although I was happy looking at the sea and the waves in the ocean, going on the rides and the carousel I couldn’t help but notice a look of absence in his eyes.
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We got fish and chips and he didn’t eat he just watched me finish up my food and then drove me home silently to my mum. I fell asleep in the car and I never saw him again. I gave up asking by the age of 10, there was nothing, no news and knowing that he just vanished was worse than anything.
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I clear my throat.
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“You know Taylor I think it’s important, I would never withhold anything, or not tell you. This is your decision to take him up on that contact or not” she sighs looking at me with earnest eyes.
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“Enough. You are engaged. My baby daughter. I am so so happy for you” she smiles.
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Jay strokes my arm affectionately and it brings me back to my life. To him and to his love. Out of the cold abandonment of my dad and his absence.
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The pasta arrives and it brings a smile to my face. that uneasiness sinks lower into my tummy and I squash it down refusing to let that feeling take ahold of me again.
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“Is your pasta okay” Jay asks, I must be quiet.
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“Yes it’s perfect” I smile at him and he smiles back slightly worried. I feel like I’m trying really hard here to keep my composure and it’s not working. One bit.
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Of course I want to read the letter. Now though is not the right time. I’m going to enjoy seeing my two favourite people together, Jay my fiancée and my mother. Her kinds words and smile. I watch her now speaking with Jay I don’t even know what they’re talking about. Her smile and kind eyes watching him like she would her own son. It makes me smile and I look over him at his blonde hair scraped back and his tan. I breathe out finally not realising that I had been holding my breath. He’s wearing a casual shirt and his surf bracelets. His tattoo on show at all times. His piercing blue eyes captivate me and I watch him talking, relaxing at the sound of his voice.
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I cling onto the normality of us going home to our lake house and the fact that we are going to university tomorrow. Where there are no long last fathers to crop up out of the woodwork.
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