I'm crying, of course I am. Hearing the first patter of the heartbeat and watching Jays captivated expression.
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"It's around 170 bpm which is totally fine for this stage." Dr forester explains.
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He smiles at us both.
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"I'm very happy for the both of you" he chuckles.
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"Wow" Jay says looking at the small foetus on the screen.
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He turns to me and his eyes are prickling, tears forming. I smile at him and he hugs me gently. Dr Forester packs away the monitor giving us our moment.
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"I'm going to book you in for 6 weeks, but any question or concern do not hesitate to come by. In 6 weeks time we can reveal the gender, have a think whether you would like to know or if you want to keep it a surprise" he explains.
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"Taylor are you feeling well" he asks me routinely.
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"Yes" I smile breathless.
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"Perfect" he smiles back. He types some notes into the computer and then stands.
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"Thank you" Jay smiles at him.
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"Anytime Jay" he smiles
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"And no more scraps" he laughs looking at Jays head and the stitches.
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"Didn't think I would notice huh!?" He laughs with Jay.
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"Keep those stitches in and don't touch them" Dr forester explains.
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We've printed off several copies at reception of the scan. Angela gushes over them, and we smile along with her before leaving.
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Once we're out Jay hails a cab and we head home together finally.
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"I'm ready now" I say to him looking over at him in the cab.
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"I'm ready to tell more people about the baby. Really I've wanted to tell Rach for a while now. And I needed to hear the heartbeat, I needed that Jay" I say smiling at him.
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"Of course" he smiles.
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"I think it would be nice to tell them all together. I know that Matty and Ross know but we should do it with all of them." I smile.
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"Maybe we could invite them over for dinner" he says
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"Another bbq maybe" he adds.
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"Yes that would be perfect" I say resting my head into his chest.
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"Next weekend" I smile.
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He strokes my arms with his fingertips. I gaze out of the window, watching the world go by. Before I know it we're at our gates.
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"Thanks man" Jay says tipping the driver.
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It's the first time we've strolled up to our home. We've always driven. It's oddly relaxing the second you step inside of the gated grounds.
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"I feel safe here" I say to him, after the break in we had before at the lake house, safety and security is big on my list as well as Jays. All of the far reaching grounds are gated. It's integral to this place being secure, yet it doesn't feel like imprisonment. And it doesn't spoil the natural beauty of the landscape.
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He strokes my hand in his. Listening to the birds and taking in the different trees we have. I wonder for a minute, about planting more. Perhaps we could plant a tree for the baby and watch it grow, a willow tree.
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"We could plant a tree for the baby" I say softly.
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"Willow tree" I smile.
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"Ohhh willow I love that as a name" he smiles at me.
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"It's beautiful" I say in awe.
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He smiles broadly at me. We reach my favourite part of the walk up to our place, where the single path is lined with beautiful trees, symmetrical on both sides. Blossoms decorate them and I smile looking up at Jay.
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"Willow Gilbert Scott" he tests out looking at me.
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"A gorgeous little girl, with flowing hair and blue eyes" he smiles.
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I hold him a little tighter. It's quite a walk to our home. It's set far back, surrounded in each direction with nature. That's one reason why the views are perfect from our windows.
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"I've been thinking about uni" I say to him.
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"When I have the baby I want to stay at home" I say.
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He nods, listening. We walk out of the blossom trees, we're getting closer to the fountain and circular driveway which appears at the end of this lane.
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"I can study part time. I'll have one year left to finish and I'm sure I can do it on a reduced timetable" I smile.
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"I'll be finished this year Taylor" he says.
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"Graduated, done check" he says.
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"Graduate Jay, you're amazing" I say softly.
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"I want my qualifications. But I want a family life too" I say looking ahead.
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"We can make that work. My mum already mentioned nannying the baby" he explains.
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"Really" I almost cry at the thoughtfulness of it.
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"That was my one worry, having the baby stay with somebody I don't know. So I would be over the moon if she were to look after the baby when I have a lecture" I say softly.
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"My mum" he begins and his voice breaks.
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"Desperately wanted another baby. A sibling for me. She asked to help; she will absolutely treasure our baby" he says.
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I stroke his hand in mine, with my thumb.
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We walk around the fountain and up past my mini. the 4x4 and Jays Audi. Jay also has several bikes in the garage, a Harley Davidson among them.
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We enter our home and I take a deep breath. Relaxing at last.
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"Jay I'm cooking" I smile at him.
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He begins protesting, but I literally swat at him.
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"You have cuts in your head. You are going to have a lovely shower get your comfy clothes on and relax by the fire." I say.
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"You are the most wonderful fiancée" he smiles.
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"Roast beef okay?" I ask and he smiles.
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"Wonderful" he smiles, kissing my lips softly.
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I usher him up the stairs and walk into my state of the art kitchen. I look around, the double hob and the marble walls and floor. I feel like pinching myself, unbelieving that this is my kitchen. This is my home, I think looking out of the bi-folding doors at the patio and the pool below.
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I put on the flatscreen and turn it onto the radio.
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"Something tells me I'm going to spending a lot of time in this kitchen cooking up food" I whisper to bump.
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I rub my tummy briefly and begin prepping the roast beef joint. Jay seriously upped his game on grocery shopping, when we were staying at the apartment for the first time he had bottles of beer and leftover pizza in his fridge.
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However now; we have beef joints, gammon joints, all types of vegetables and fruit. He's picked up on over time, the things I use in my cooking and just added them into the shopping. We have a huge spice rack, plants of basil and rosemary. A fully stocked larder and pantry room, where we keep all of the other bits we need. I love just stepping into the larder, it's a whole room in itself. I imagine all of the things I'm going to bake with our children.
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Once the meat is in the double oven I set the timer and insert the thermometer in it. I focus now on the roast potatoes and roast vegetables.
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I've always had great cooking skills. I believe if you love doing something, it comes naturally to you and you're just good at it.
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Once all the vegetables are on, I make a stock for the gravy. I'm planning on making him the best roast of his life, he's perfection and he literally just saved me from being bottled in the head.
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Finally I take a seat waiting for everything to do its thing. Until I need to carve, mash and plate up. I unlock my phone for the first time today. Messages upon messages. It’s kind of a given that Ross will have messaged me, I also have messages from Jacob, Rachel and Joshua.
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I start with Rachel’s. She’s asked after Jay, wished me well and asked if there’s anything she can do. I reply instantly apologising for my late reply. I explain that we’re home now and thank her for being the bestest friend. I tell her I’ll see her at uni.
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Now to deal with Joshua Morelli. He’s sent a few messages explaining how he’s contacted the police. He has wished Jay well and profusely apologised for it happening to us at one of his parties. Fair enough, I think and reply updating him on Jay. I explain he doesn’t have to be sorry, it’s not his fault. And move on to the next messages.
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Jacob has asked if we can practise twice next week to make up for not choreographing for so long. I suggest Tuesday and Thursday. I’m going to invite him to the BBQ too. I feel he needs to know about my pregnancy. For so many reasons, firstly my abilities may change a little as I get more heavily pregnant. And secondly to further friend zone him. Jacob is the kind of guy that if you so much as mention the p word to him, he will practically run away squealing.
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Ross. He hasn’t over messaged me this time, just two texts. First one is short.
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Hope J is okay xxxx
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Sent around an hour after he left earlier. He does genuinely care about Jay, they’ve been friends for some time. Not quite as long as Matty and Jay but several years.
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Second message is a bit longer.
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I want to hug you right now, my arms around you and your chin in my chest. Matty is in his room, being Matty and drawing shit. I’m just sitting here wondering how it would be to have you here, laying by my side. Me kissing you every so often. R xxxx
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He’s sweet. Not even one mention of sex. It’s one of the things I appreciate about him. He never goes on about having sex with anybody, yet in bed he is phenomenal. I consider messaging back and decide I need to.
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Jay is okay, we’re home. That’s not fair you know that I love your hugs. Tay xxx
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I send it off and put my phone down heading into the larder for the ingredients I need to make Yorkshire puddings. I’m home baking them and Jay is going to be impressed.
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After I’ve made them up and set them in the oven I stack the dishwasher and clean the sides down. I check on the stock and add in some of the juices from the beef.
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I rub my tummy, willow I think to myself. It’s a very fitting name. I’m growing to the idea of having a little girl, where I can tie her hair up and put her in little dresses. I get lost in imagining what she might look like with a dad like Jay and his beauty. Will she take his icy blue eyes and my brown hair. Or will she be blonde just like her daddy. In the most bizarre way I almost wish I was having twins, a boy and a girl. A boy that looks like a mini Jay. Theo, Ezra or Rowan we would call him. With thick curly hair and my eyes.
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I sigh daydreaming and pull the meat out of the oven, checking the thermometer and seeing that it’s ready to be carved.
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