I bought the dress in hot pink, I'm planning on wearing it tonight. I'm driving, Ross is lounging back in the passenger seat. He bought a book and he's reading it and I can't help but to glance at him from time to time.
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I park up at the house, noticing that Jays ranger is here. I feel a massive pang of guilt deep in my gut. I turn the car off and hop out. Grabbing the bags from the boot and heading up to the door. The sun has set and the heat has eased off.
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I walk into the kitchen to Matty and Jay, shirtless cooking lasagne. I can't help myself but to chuckle. They might as well be sharing a bottle of red.
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"My wife" Jay says still looking at the pan of meat he's frying up. They have been drinking whiskey not wine.
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Matty eyes me, smiling. He's chopping up basil. I'm impressed.
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"Jay" I say wrapping my arms around him from behind. The conundrum is whether I tell him about Ross, it's the morally right thing to do. It's important that he knows but I don't want him to hit Ross. And moreover it will not be happening again. We will be married and that will be that.
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He turns to face me putting his wooden spoon down. Kissing me and running his hands through my hair.
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"Mmm" he says.
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"Mmm indeed" I reply softly.
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"Ugh I want a glass of wine" I whine and he smiles.
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"This is the first time I've like missed wine" I say.
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"Ahhh baby" he says softly kissing my forehead. He moves his hands over my waist, holding onto Caleb and smiling.
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"I love you, that smells amazing" I smile.
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"I love you" he chuckles.
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"How was your car" he smiles.
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"It was amazing" I smile up at him and he squeezes my bum inconspicuously.
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"We bought loads" Rachel comes in sunglasses on her head. Her tan looks darker and I can't help it but I cringe slightly. Lord it's still developing, how deep will it get in the next couple hours.
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"Jesus Christ" Jay says looking at her.
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"Rachel you're very ugh dark" Matty says and she swats him.
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"What colour did you go for" I ask, I will not laugh. I love her.
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"I went for dark" she says.
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"The lady went on about some crap about being pale but I wanna see it" she says.
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"I only go for medium silly" I say.
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"Why didn't you tell me" she laughs.
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"You know it's gonna get darker" I say. She freaks looking in the hall mirror.
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"Oompa Loompa" she laughs.
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"Fuck" she says.
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I pull my phone out.
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"Look best bet, put on some oil and then have a long bath" I say looking online for advice.
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She hurries upstairs, Nate takes a seat, pouring some whiskey.
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"I'm gonna let her deal before I go up" he laughs and I chuckle.
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"I'll go help" I laugh. Jay pulls me back lightly. I smile and kiss him.
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"Don't be gone too long" he says softly.
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"I'll be back before you know it" I smile.
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I catch Ross' eye as I walk out. He's pulled his shirt off, and I try my best not to look at him too closely.
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I head upstairs and knock before I go in.
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"Yep" she says softly. Rachel is never soft.
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"Can I come in" I ask.
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"Sure" she says.
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I step in and she's sobbing and I feel awful.
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"You're good at this and everything and I'm rubbish I get things wrong all the time" she sighs.
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"Don't be silly" I say, placing my arm around her shoulder.
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"Ross can't even look at me." She says.
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"Because he's Ross. He doesn't do casual sex" I say.
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"Yeah but I don't want to ruin our friendship" she says.
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"You haven't, he's just being Ross" I say.
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"Now let's sort out this tan" I say pacing into the en-suite and grabbing some coconut oil.
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"Go put it on" I say.
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"Then get in the bath" I explain.
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"I'll be just next door, I'm not about to join the whiskey men's club down stairs" I laugh.
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"You're the best" she says wiping her eyes as she stands and heads to the bath.
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I smile and place my head in my hands sitting on the bed. As soon as I hear the water running I head into mine and Jay's room. I hang my dress up and place my new hot pink dress on the bed ready to change into.
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I head into my own en-suite and shower. Washing away all of the heat and stickiness of the day. When I climb out I take my own advice and oil my skin and hair. If I can't drink tonight I'm going to dance. And that means doing my hair, putting on lashes and my new dress. Oh and my new heels.
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I dry my hair and put on some makeup. I dress in hot pink lace lingerie. Jay will go wild. And I slide into my dress. As I'm fastening my heels I hear a knock at the door.
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"Yep" I say.
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"Hey snap" Rachel says. Of course we're both wearing the dress.
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"See the tan looks much much better" I compliment her.
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"Thanks Tay" she says.
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"For everything" she smiles.
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"Now let's go and eat Jay and Matty's creation" I laugh.
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"Are you worried?" She laughs.
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"Oh it will be edible" I say.
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I follow her out and downstairs.
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"You look beautiful Rachel" Nate says and I smile at him. That's just the confidence boost she needed.
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"You have the same dress" Nate laughs.
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I look over at Jay lounging by the counter with his whiskey. His eyes travel over my legs in the heels and up to my lips. He crosses the room, and kisses me softly on the lips he was just staring at. He's so assertive and dynamic. His shirt is still off and I can feel his smooth skin under my hands.
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"Bad that I wanna take it off?" He whispers in my ear.
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"My lingerie matches" I say teasing him.
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"Oh Taylor" he sighs. And I want to tell him to take me right here right now.
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"That's just mean" he smirks.
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"How's the food" I ask him. And he looks at me as if he's just remembered that he's cooking. I smile.
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I walk over to the cooker and he smiles. It smells divine. He pulls out the lasagne and actually it looks perfect.
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"I made you something" he smiles.
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"It's a mocktail" he smiles.
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"An alcohol free sangria" he says pulling out a cocktail jug.
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I wipe my eyes and Rachel scoffs.
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"Hormonal Taylor is back people" she laughs.
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"You just wait until the day comes when you can't drink for nine months" I laugh. I taste Jay's mocktail and actually it's great. Refreshing.
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"Thank you" I whisper to him and he kisses me.
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"Now sit and relax, I've got this" he says.
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"I even made a salad" he smiles. I kiss him passionately.
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"Mmm" he sighs.
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"Don't distract me" he smiles.
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"Okay, I love you so much" I say and I think I'm about to cry again. I wipe my eyes and he caresses Caleb in my tummy smiling.
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"I love you both" he says, and I know everybody is listening in on us. He rubs my tummy and I want him. I kiss him again softly.
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"Taylor, you're not being fair" he smiles moving me over to the pan and beginning to plate up with me wrapped around his waist.
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"I'll put the plates out" I say as he's finishing up.
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I place them one by one at the table along with the bowl of salad.
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"I'm done with being distant because people are around" I whisper in his ear and he chuckles.
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He sits down and I sit on his lap at the table. I need him.
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"Have you missed each other or something" Rachel laughs.
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"Hugely" he replies eating some Lasagne.
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I sit in his lap feeling his arms around my waist. Focusing on our life and our unborn child. I fork up some lasagne myself and eat. Sip some of my mocktail sangria and face him. He feeds me a forkful and I swallow.
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"Jay" Rach says.
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"Were you always this person or do you think Taylor made you different" she asks and I get what she means. The Jay she fell for would never show any girl this kind of treatment.
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"That's a really good question" he laughs.
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"Hands down Jay you've always been like this" Matty laughs.
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I smile at him and Jay feeds me another piece of lasagne. I dare not look at Ross.
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"Let's just say Taylor made me reconnect with a part of myself I thought I'd gotten rid of" he laughs.
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"What the human part" Rachel laughs.
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"Actually you're not wrong there" he says and I stroke his hair back.
"The part of me that trusts other people and cares for them. The part of me that shows people I love them and that I need them. The part that wants to make someone feel special" he says and I rub his arm.
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"Because obviously" she looks at Nate briefly. He nods aware that they dated. I feed him lasagne and then look down at my plate.
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"I mean you didn't even own a spatula and now you're cooking lasagne." She smiles.
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"I owned a spatula I just didn't use it" he laughs.
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I kiss him and he downs his whiskey; stroking my thigh.
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“I’m sorry Rachel you are right though I’ve changed since then. And I am sorry for being such a dick with you” he says and it’s genuine.
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He tops up his whiskey.
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“No apologies needed” she smiles.
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