I rise in the morning wishing I didn’t. I sigh looking at Matty half asleep sitting up. Holding onto my hand still. I squeeze his hand lightly. And he startles awake.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Yh1cONYXl
“Taylor” he says sleepily.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZNYMV7f7B
“You could have laid down” I say softly. He pushes his hair back and sighs. He stretches out like he used to.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfua9xWKge3
“I’m not going to uni today” I say defiantly.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8imR4uTVi
“I don’t blame you, how are you feeling” he asks standing up in just his sweat shorts.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkfkgnKZK7
I curl up into a ball, hiding my face
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwaxdQxw6v
“Awful” I say truthfully.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHYiSyk5gn
“Where is Jay” I ask.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kurEt8EuB
“Honestly I don’t know, you were my priority” he says and he’s tired.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkR8TWJiS1
“Here” I say standing up. I open the duvet and look at him.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRvn1vIQp2
“Lay down” I say and I’m not accepting a no.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7fiQilEmd
“I’ll go make breakfast, I need to be busy” I say.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFxPlOX0c1
“Tay” he says and he holds my arms. Softly inspecting them, his fingertips going over the scratches. I’ve come out in black and blue marks, several bruises on my forearm. It must have been rougher than I had first thought.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtwU45aJFqn
“Taylor you could press charges” he says.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmZhYnLRxY
“This is not okay” he explains.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcVjL0gLKPh
“No” I say stubbornly.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRhYoWU2PQ
“People make mistakes” I say, his green eyes watch me. He looks torn.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmS3VKqaKo
“Jay will press this” he says. And I don’t doubt him.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLt1QQqjzA
“Jay will do what I need him to do” I say.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WsO8FnZIA
“Now coffee” I say and I leave the room. Head downstairs and into the small kitchen. It’s quiet downstairs so I put the radio on. I can’t contend with silence. I busy myself, because that is exactly what I need. I haven’t looked in the mirror. I haven’t dared look at my arms. He grabbed my hips too and I know they’re sensitive. I don’t think about it or I will cry. Again.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3I6xTPZ6m
I crack some eggs over a pan and cook some sausages. The coffee machine is whirring filling the log cabin with the smell of brewing coffee. This is normal. I will not wallow in bed all day, I will not cry all day either.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jmnw4ans8
I plate up a tray of eggs and put on the bacon. Placing the eggs on the table and putting on some toast. I hear the door creak and I look over my shoulder. Jay walks in, Jacob behind him. Jay pushes his hair back its damp from the morning dew. His eyes stare at me, and he’s intense. He crosses the log cabin, and when he reaches me his arms encompass me in a hug.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0P1VUSnkig
“I’m so sorry I left you last night” he whispers.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QCvuDgEl3
“I missed you” I say.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUu8W9m1Cn
“Matty sat at the end of the bed all night long” I say.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3C8kglSAs
He kisses me, his lips urgent and pressing. Jacob hangs out by the door, like a dog who’s not been invited in.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4MTlAklPi
“If I didn’t talk it through or so do something about it, I would have killed him” he says and I know he means it.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbjKTrNHzM
“So we walked, for hours” he says and he watches me.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV121cYX0VB
“We walked and spoke and it’s not okay but I need you to understand that for you, and only because of you I will not do shit” he says.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCntIteLyB
“I love you” I say and he watches me.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5SQRTNe1Y
“I love you Taylor Gilbert Scott” he says.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxl2LgvMmdD
“I will do anything for you” he says.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kKpJtIa4s
I sit him down in the wooden chair and he watches me.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79HGlx2xBG
“You must be cold” I say softly. Eyeing up his chest. How he’s just been wearing shorts out in the rain all morning. I plate him up two eggs, toast, bacon and beans. Set it down in front of him and smile. His eyes lock with mine and I smile at him.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpnuSRp6Qp
“Eat” I say softly.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyuCzDbk4M
“You too” I say to Jacob. Inviting him back in.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEa4gXa2Tt
He walks over and sits the furthest away from Jay. I plate him up some food. And then I attend to the bleeping coffee machine.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhYc9d5Rh5
“It’s over” I say seriously over my shoulder.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RdDc7PaM3
“We treat this like some bad nightmare that never happened” I say and I’m resolute.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Rac8e7mMR
The music distracts me, they’re playing Bruce Springstein, dancing in the dark. And I move around the kitchen enjoying the music, humming and feeling more and more normal by every passing note.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyzDYRjDYM
Ross comes down next, I hear him pull up a chair next to Jay. I don’t turn around. I can’t look at him, he always makes me cry when I’m emotional. It’s his kind eyes.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3w2J4Sr9J
I grab him a coffee and set it down. He eyes my bruises and looks away quickly.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3EB6bn1fg0
“Good morning” he says looking up at me.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiFwUa8YZUW
“Morning, how’s Rachel” I ask.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wNq8y010y
“Asleep” he says and I knew he would make sure that she was okay.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6VEPXC2dK
“I told Matty to sleep” I say softly, he was awake for hours.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqDeoUfRjg
I grab him a plate of breakfast and some for myself too. I set it down in front of him and then sit down around the small table myself and eat.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjreT08n8CS
After eating, I wash the dishes with Jay hugging my waist standing behind me. He’s making up for not being with me all night. I look out of the large window at the fields seeing the mist clear and the rain ease. He hums in my ear.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZjlIqtYpZ
“We’re going for a spa day” he says in my ear.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WGZNP8PrE
I smile.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYkRIIq83J
“You haven’t bought the whole spa have you” I say laughing. It’s Friday and that means we’re bunking again and clearly going to a spa later.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApjSWRQj29
“No” he says and I can feel his grin even though he’s kissing my ear.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VWQ0DE1bu
“We’re going together. Tonight” he says just loud enough for the others to hear. He knew that I would need two things; a change of scenery and him.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eA0WEfwXf
I turn and face him and wrap my arms around his neck kissing him. His hands slide under my T-shirt. I break away from him and he bites his lip.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrb8pYkSBo
“I need just you and me for the whole weekend” I say and he smiles.
46Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWRTpR2g2m
I sit him down with another coffee and he obliges. I kiss him bending over him, in just his long T-shirt. His had grazes my thigh and I tease him pulling away. I put the rest of the food on the table for the guys to choose what they would like, and I take Matty some food to have in bed. He did stay up with me for most of the night.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
