Meeting up with your dad again in your early twenties, is weird. No getting around it; this relationship should be different. I should know him, he should have watched me grow. Watched me attend my first dance show, helped me through my exams. That kind of stuff.
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I shake off my negative thoughts and focus on the here and now. I'm walking to a small Italian that I know; Jay is in the big 8 down the road. Probably sipping whiskey waiting on my text.
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It's hot as hell today and I'm wearing a little cami dress and sandals, it's yellow. My hair is out loose and now reaches down to my waist. I've got a small purse for my phone and keys. And for a wedding invitation, more on that later.
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I walk confidently up to the double doors of the small Italian, its red brick work and ornate tables and chairs outside make me smile. Opening the door, I'm a little early, I did want to get here first to take a seat and a few deep breaths before seeing him.
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The small Italian lady greets me as I enter. She has long dark hair and tan skin. Her warm smile radiates and makes me smile back at her.
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"Hello Miss" she smiles remembering me and I give her a genuine smile back.
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I can already see my dad. He hasn't noticed me just yet, which is a relief. His brunette hair, the same shade as my own is wavy and thick like mine too. He's wearing a shirt and tie. A coffee in front of him which he's looking into deeply for answers.
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"Hello I already have a table" I say softly.
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I notice him look up, his expression at first unreadable, but then a mixture of shock and pride. He smiles at me, and I half expect him to say that's my girl and for me to run up to him like I used too. However that does not happen.
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Instead I walk over to my dad, he's ordered me an orange juice and a coffee and I laugh. I sit down looking into eyes that are the same as my own.
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"I didn't know whether you would want orange juice or coffee" he chuckles and I laugh again.
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"Hey dad" I say and he smiles.
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"Taylor" he says.
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"How are you" he asks and I can tell he genuinely wants to know.
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"Dad I'm good how are you" I say and he wipes his eyes. Not what I had imagined his response would be.
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"Sorry Taylor I'm just happy to see you again" he says and he wipes tears away like he used to when I would fall over and scrape my knee.
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"Me too" I say and I'm lost for words.
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"Before anything, I would just like to say thankyou for reading my letter and for agreeing to meet up. I am truly sorry for the absence I have had in your life, missed you growing up and so many other things that a dad should have been there for" he says and I just listen.
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"It's inexcusable, I as a parent should have found a better resolution." He says.
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"I understand" I say
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"It's truly unforgivable, but I would like you to know that and it's not much but" he says sighing and retrieving documents from his bag.
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"This isn't me trying to make amends, with money. However it is important to me that you receive this because I was not there to support you, buy your first ballet shoes or pay for your clothes. So please accept it as almost like reimbursement. And my amends comes from my continued support and presence in your life now" he says handing me a bank account overview.
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"It's in your name and I contributed to it every month." He says as I open the slip.
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"Dad this is like tens of thousands of pounds" I say shocked.
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"That's yours" he says.
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"And like I say that's not me just throwing money at this situation, I intend on making things up to you by being an actual father" he says.
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I place the slip down, folded. The waiter arrives to take our orders. I order the lasagne as it's delicious, and another orange juice. Dad orders Spaghetti Bolognase and another coffee.
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"So tell me" he begins.
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"What are you studying" he asks softly.
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"I'm studying dance and psychology, I also recently joined as principal of a dance company" I say and he beams at me.
Do I mention that I'm pregnant ? Now or later ? Best to mention Jay first I decide.
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"I'm also actually, well this may be a bit of a shock" I say.
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"I'm engaged dad, and I'm getting married next week" I say and pull out an invitation.
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"I saw the ring" he says smiling.
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He opens up the invitation and reads it.
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"Australia" he says.
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"I'll be there" he says smiling.
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"What's he like then" he asks me.
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"Jay; he's amazing" I say and I grab my phone and show him the picture of us that's on my wallpaper.
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"Wow" he says.
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"He's a looker" he laughs and I laugh with him. Jay is model level in appearance.
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"Taylor I'm so happy for you" he says softly.
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Our mains arrive and we begin eating. The food is delicious. I let him process for a little bit first, before I drop the baby bomb. I don't know how he's going to react.
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"So yeah we're getting married. We live together and dad don't freak" I say and I smile at him after we've almost finished our mains.
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"But I'm pregnant" I say and pure shock comes over his face.
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He cries placing his cutlery down.
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"Taylor you're full of surprises aren't you, my god" he says standing and he embraces me fully. And it doesn't feel weird, in fact it feels just like how he used to hug me when I was a little girl.
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We sit back down and he wipes his eyes. I notice when he rolls his sleeves up that he has a few tattoos too.
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"Have you got a scan picture" he says and I don't remember him being this emotional. He grasps my hands and I can tell he's genuinely happy for me.
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I pull out the small scan picture from my purse and hand it to him. He holds it like it's pure treasure.
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"We're pretty sure it's a boy, although we don't know for sure" I say.
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"I gotta tell you that looks like a boy to me" he laughs.
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“I know, Jay had thought it would be a girl until we went for the scan” I say.
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Dad smiles and places the scan picture down. My phone buzzes and I pick it up, knowing I will hear Jays voice on the other end.
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“Yes we’re just about ready actually” I say after greeting him.
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He can tell by my cheery tone that the meeting has gone well and he agrees to meet me outside. Dad pays and we walk out together, I let him keep the extra scan picture.
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Stepping out onto the busy town road I scan for Jay. It doesn’t take me long to spot him approaching us. He stands out because he is well, him. Handsome and staggeringly beautiful.
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He walks directly up to us shakes my father’s hand and greets him like a gentlemen would. I smile looking down.
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“Well Taylor you really are your father’s child” he laughs.
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“The resemblance is uncanny” he says.
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“I know” I laugh.
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“Congratulations both of you” Dad says.
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“Thank you” Jay says and I smile again.
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“Taylor” Dad says.
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“Thank you for giving me this time, I’m so excited to come to your wedding. And I’m so happy to meet you Jay” he says turning to him.
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“You too” Jay says softly holding onto me.
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“No probs Dad” I laugh.
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“Any early days baby advice for a rookie” Jay laughs.
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“Son, I can already tell that you will be a great dad to your child” Dad says sincerely.
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“You definitely don’t need advice, you got it” he adds.
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We say our goodbyes and I walk away from the situation feeling far better than I did before. No more anxiety, or worry. I look at Jay and smile.
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“Take me home” I ask him.
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“Always” he says softly taking my hand in his we walk off down the road, past the shops and restaurants. I hold onto him.
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“Thank you for being my rock Jay” I say softly looking up at him.
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He chuckles.
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“Thank you for being my everything” he says and he kisses my lips softly in this busy street. He stops me, and holds onto me as people filter around us. I chuckle and he kisses me again.
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“I love you” he says softly. His hands filtering through my hair, he smiles and kisses my forehead.
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