Jays POV
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Sitting in the leather seat of my Audi I tell myself to stop being so petty and dramatic at a time when my best friend literally nearly just died and my other friend had to find him in such a state.
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I start up the car and briefly, just momentarily I envision myself driving off very far. Speeding through some town that doesn't look like this one. And just taking some distance from this situation. I could take myself to the airport, head to Dubai, run away from my problems. I could swing by my mom’s place in France, eat French food and take some perspective from this mess.
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However as I place the car onto reverse I know that I could never leave Taylor. Instead I reverse my car out of the lot and head to our new home. A couple hours to Palm Springs will do the trick to clear my head, to the place where myself and Taylor will be happy for the rest of our lives. Yesterday was absolute perfection until we discovered this tragedy.
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As I'm driving, hitting the indicator stick and smashing through my gears. I keep seeing her, comforting Ross in the same room as me. Her beautiful neck smothered by his lips.
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He loves her. He adores her. Always has and always will. I would be a liar if I said it hasn't bothered me before. Their connection, the fact that he solves everything. The calm and comfort he gives her in stressful situations. Honestly it should be me, I should impart that reaction on her.
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I push and push it into the back of my mind.
But the more I push, the more I see her lips and his locked in a kiss. His hands on her, pulling her in. She has said that she hadn’t kissed him back, and I believe her but my overactive brain is playing tricks on me.
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After having no music on in the car, chain smoking a packet of old cigarettes and hitting several highways I pull into our place and unlock the automatic gates. Briefly squeezing my eyes shut tight to erase my visions. Our house is set back from the gate and I drive another 5 minutes up to the circular driveway. I pull up outside ditch the car and head into our home. Not even bothering to lock up the car as our grounds are private.
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I consider spending sometime wallowing in my own thoughts, sitting here and just doing nothing but think. I count up to ten and down again. Staying here will just make me miserable. But being around Ross right now will be just as hard. The way he watches her, my fiancee. The way his eyes linger on her every curve. When she's doing something cute and he notices just as I do. He's so in tune with her, how he catches her eyes in his own.
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Seeing him sitting next to Matty in the hospital room earlier, I just kept thinking I need to say something, pull him aside. Have a word. But boy is it the wrong time for that.
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I pace through to the kitchen. Our new marble kitchen, it's so grand even by my standards. I mentally thank the boiling hot water tap, pouring myself a hot coffee straight away.
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Taking my coffee with me I head upstairs to our room. When I enter it's just as we left it yesterday. Sheets still crumpled from when we were together in them.
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I place my coffee on the side and make the bed, for when Taylor wants to come home. She will see this out with Matty I'm sure of it. She won't want to leave him. But when she does come home the bed will be made for her.
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Next I head to the en-suite and decide now's the perfect time to try our new waterfall walk in shower. I glance at the grand bath tub and imagine running one for Taylor when she comes back. Picturing all of the times I will bathe with her, her bump growing each time I hold her in the water.
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The water roars to life and I step under the stream feeling the instant lift that only having a nice clean shower can give you. There's three large rain shower heads above which cover the whole wet room, and privacy glass allows you to look out at the views at the same time. Which of course like everything else here are magnificent.
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After my extravagant shower in the wet room I get changed into a pale blue button up shirt and light tan trousers. I grab our duffle bag which we use when we go travelling together and start to pack supplies.
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Phone chargers, wash stuff, her favourite pjs and books for her to read. I haven't decided whether I'm staying in the hospital later or not. Both because I don't want to be around Ross, and because I don't want to see Taylor around Ross. It’s everywhere I look and earlier honestly before the perspective of my drive home and devouring a packet of cigarettes it was a difficult thing for me to reason in my head.
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I imagine Taylor with Ross now, in his cute suburban home with the rose bushes lining the windows and I cringe. Staring at the duffle bag of her things before moving a muscle. Not an increment of motivation or desire to get going.
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I'm reading into everything, too deep. Every glance, every stare. And I need distance from it all. Distance from his longing stares, agitated I pull myself up and pace. Shaking my head slowly before I gaze down at the dresser. It’s a new oak piece of furniture. Adorned with stylish wooden curves and drawers that we will fill with our clothes. Two small slips of photographic paper on the top which I placed down yesterday. Waiting to buy a frame to place the pictures in. Our baby. The scan picture of our baby lays upright on the dresser and I stare at him or her. Minutes run by and I find myself just looking at my future.
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My final lesson in love has been a difficult one for myself to learn yet most likely the signal most important and life defining. Forgiveness is never easy when you feel victimised. However as I feel my head clear, I grab the duffle and my keys and head back out. I'm taking my Land Rover, and as I place the bags in the back I vow to myself to be the better man in this situation. And to buy a new crystal frame for the scan picture to sit in when we both return home.
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