Taylor's POV
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The sun light is somehow brighter when you wake up in a tent on a mountain. Jay is still asleep and I watch him for a few minutes. He cried for me, he thought that I would leave him for Matty.
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I stroke his gorgeous tan skin, moving his blonde hair out of his face. He smiles lightly and instinctively I smile back. His eyes open, blue piercing eyes that look deeply into mine.
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"Did you sleep well" I ask him.
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"Yes I had you here" he smiles and winks. He has such a natural charm about him.
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"We are going all the way to the top today. So I'm going to make you the best breakfast I can whilst being situated on a mountain" he laughs and I chuckle along with him.
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"But first" he smiles. A smile that reaches all the way across his face. Hands exploring my hips under the zipped up blanket. He gently pushes my leg over so that my legs are separated his hand slipping under the thermals as I giggle feeling his warm hands on my skin. His finger brushes me in between my thighs and he breathes in sharply.
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"Ohhh Taylor. Looks like you have the same idea as me" he smiles.
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"Feels good baby" he says facing me as I lay on my back. He kisses my cheeks whilst pumping his finger inside of me.
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"I want to do you" I say.
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"Shhh it's all about you right now" he whispers.
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I close my eyes and feel him pleasuring me. I'm moaning his name over and over and he's kissing my neck. Soft slow kisses that contrast with his finger pumping inside of me.
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"Mmm you're shaking" he whispers.
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"I need you" I whisper.
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"I'm here never gonna leave" he says softly and I orgasm.
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"Mmm" he smiles. Removes his finger and pulls me in close to him whilst I catch my breath back. He holds me so closely that I start to drift again, back into a peaceful sleep that I could happily stay in for the entire rest of the day so long as I'm in his arms.
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"Hey no sleepy head, we have a mountain to climb" he says shaking his head at me.
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"Mmm mountain can wait" I say hazily. Stroking his chest lightly with my fingertips.
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"Okay how about breakfast in bed" he asks me.
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"Yes please" I smile.
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He pulls a shirt on and some boxers and with one last lingering look at me in the sleeping bag he heads out to start the fire and cook.
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I glance over at my clothes and sigh. Instead of reading myself for our day of kinking I pull the sleeping bag tight around me and snuggle down thinking about how much we've grown just in the last twenty four hours. I retrieve my phone and bag from the side. I glance at my dads picture for a few seconds in my bag and he's just as I had imagined he would be. Aged but still my dad with his curly brown hair and tall frame. I will need to use that contact number and reach out. I’ve decided already that if I don’t speak with him I will regret it. I will regret not trying at least. And so I will put my big girl pants on and face the situation, soon.
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I grab my phone and unlock it. A few messages; new ones from Matty. And one from Ross. I glance at the notifications unsure whether I want to read them. I groan and open up Ross' first.
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Missing you. Hope everything's okay. We all miss you actually. But I like to think I miss you the most. You look so happy in those pictures. See you soon x
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I just cannot message him back that I miss him, for so many reasons. Firstly is that I would be telling him what he is yearning to hear. I do miss him but I have to actively think about him to miss him and honestly he’s not always on my mind. I suspect for him he misses me in a different way. I send a quick text back.
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Hope you're well. It was a spur of the moment thing. Back soon tay x
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Now to address Matthew.
I take a breath and open up the message I had skim read yesterday. I loved him once and it's important that I give him some time and understanding.
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Remember that time when we drove out of town.
We used to just wake up together, get in my car and head out. No thoughts about anybody else. It was just us.
In London we could do just that.
You could wear my ring again.
I could make love to you Taylor.
We could catch all the dance shows in town; ride home on the tube with you tucked into my chest.
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Before I read on, I wipe my face. I wasn't even aware I was crying. But I am. Because this is exactly the sort of life I would have wanted with him. He is such a dreamer and a romantic, he has a way of describing things and making everything special.
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I want you to just think about it. I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't feel the same as I did the day you left me. Nothing changes.
This isn't fleeting.
It isn't.
It was supposed to happen this way- we are supposed to reconnect.
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I'm imagining waking you up with coffee and breakfast in bed, walks along the Thames. Drawing you. Kissing you and holding you at night.
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The move is at the end of term; just after your birthday.
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I love you
M
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I place my phone down and lay back down looking at the tent ceiling. I can hear Jay cooking and humming to himself outside. I pull on his white T-shirt and stumble out of the tent intent on seeing his face.
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It's like Matty has put all of this imagery in my head, of us. Me with him and I need to just see Jay. I look out to see him facing the other way making the food and I smile at how he scrapes his hair back. I admire his strong back and how I yearn to wrap my arms around him.
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When I get closer I place my arms around him from behind and he relaxes.
"Nearly ready" he chuckles
"Sorry fire takes longer than just putting stuff on a grill" he turns to me.
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His expression changes seeing my face and I realise I am crying.
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"What's wrong" he asks me. I see his eyes sweep over my whole face and body and feel his protection over me. The need to make sure that I am okay.
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"Nothing, I just. I needed you" I stumble.
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He watches me concerned and being Jay he knows exactly what to do. He pulls me in close rubbing my back as the bacons sizzles. The smell of the meat fills my nose and I squirm, it’s intolerable. It’s odd as usually I’m all for a cooked breakfast, however Jay looks at me shocked when I pull away holding my nose and unfortunately throwing up.
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“Taylor are you okay” he rushes to help me and I shrink away out of embarrassment. Once I’ve emptied the contents of my stomach. I sigh standing up confused. Practically running over to the water and splashing my face with it.
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"Have you been on yet this month" he whispers when I return to him.
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I look up into his eyes and twig what he is saying. I am emotional, unusually. I don't even remember the last time I used my contraceptive pill. I haven't had any period either. The sickness could be yet another coincidence or it could be my body trying to tell me something.
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"No" I say softly.
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Holding me in close he just watches my eyes.
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"Taylor" he whispers and I shh him. Bringing my lips to his I kiss him slowly and I’m thankful that I brushed my teeth and used the emergency mouthwash. His hands move around to my waist slowly and he is rubbing my tummy. We stay there for ages kissing and him holding me. His hands travel all over my waist. The bacon long forgotten and burnt to a crisp.
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He pulls away from my lips and bends to the ground. He kisses my waist stroking my back. Had you of asked me when I first met Jay that I would have him on his knees for me, repeatedly. I would have scoffed. I glance at him, he is beautiful in every sense of the word and wholly and completely mine, ours. I dare to imagine our child. I hope our child looks like him. He has looks, he could be a model. But more than any of that is the kindness I know he possesses in his heart.
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"We need to be careful" he whispers looking up at me.
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“You’re so wow..” he sighs.
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“You could be holding our baby Taylor” he whispers before standing up.
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"No more intense rough sex" he says as the pan crackles and he plates up the bacon and toasted bread. He sits me down and joins me with his own food.
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