Taylor's POV
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As I gaze into the mirror I cannot help but to turn to the side just to see if I can notice any differences or anything at all physical that shows I am pregnant.
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I am.
I am pregnant. I tell myself over and over.
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I place my hand over my tummy. Close my eyes and breathe. I'm elated, beyond belief. I just need to believe that this one will be fine. I speak to my little bump in my head. Words of reassurance and love.
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Opening my eyes I glance into the mirror and decide to reply to Matthew. I pull my phone from the side and open up his message. I begin typing sitting on the closed toilet seat.
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Matthew,
I know you want this, there would have been a time when I would have seized every single chance I could to do this with you. To hold your hand and leave with you.
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I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't honourable and good to you during the fallout of our relationship. I understand now that I ran from you and left you to just deal on your own.
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That was not fair.
I should have loved you more.
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I know that you deserve more than that. More than me. So please seize this opportunity without me.
Taylor
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No kisses. Send.
I think that's fair. I place my phone back into Jays hoody that I'm wearing. I head out of the bathroom, cross the hall and enter our bedroom.
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When Jay makes love to me tonight it's all together a new experience. He remains on top looking into my eyes. He's hyper aware of the pregnancy and he makes a point of kissing my tummy afterwards.
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With him as my big spoon, and his hands firmly around my waist I drift off to sleep. After all, hiking a mountain pregnant is an exhausting experience.
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***
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"Taylor the baby it's" Jays voice is saying to me. Urgent tone of voice, commanding me to take this seriously. He never does that it must be something, I look down.
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There's my bump and I sigh a large breath of relief. Perfect little bump. I keep it safe.
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I glance up at his expression, worry over shadowing his eyes. What is the problem ?
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"Are you okay" he demands.
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Am I okay? He's worrying me.
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"Do you feel anything? Are you okay ?" He repeats.
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I begin to cry, feeling a swirl of anticipation come over me. I feel hot, nervous.
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"I feel fine" I say.
"I..." I begin stuttering feeling a jolt near my tummy.
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I glance down in shock expecting it to just be the little baby moving and I notice stains all over my clothes.
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I feel a pain, sharp and searing.
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I connect all of the dots in my confused brain and realise I am not okay, bump is not okay and when I look up Jay is packing lots of things. Except where are we ?
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Not the lodge, not the lake house or even the new house. I push the thought away defiantly and attempt to make sense of what is happening.
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"We need to go now" Jay says bending down in front of me. I glance down at his hands and see a watch, but he doesn't wear one usually.
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I check out his eyes for a second, usually full blue eyes of hope now replaced with worry and sadness. And an erratic sense of panic. Except the usual blue that I have come to expect when looking at him isn't there at all, his eyes are green. Forest green, almost brown.
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I blink expecting to find his familiar face and blue eyes looking back at me only when I open my eyes the first thing I notice is the brown curls and the green eyes looking back into my own.
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"Matthew" I sigh and I am pulled from the scene.
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***
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It is still dark. I take a mental note of everything in the room that I recognise. The dresser, the log fire and the small window drawn with dark curtains. I am at the lodge.
Finally I glance down at the hands around me and recognise them to be Jays straight away. I snuggle into him breathing in and out. Calming myself.
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I feel him pull me in and I turn to face him.
"I need to pee" I say surprised by how urgent that need is.
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He chuckles and I savour the sound of him.
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I flee to the bathroom. I make it in time and pull my phone out.
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Matthew has messaged me back and I decide whether I want to sleep tonight or read his message. That nightmare was lucid and felt real.
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I sigh and open it up.
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Taylor, my future is about seizing these opportunities with you.
Those things are intertwined for me.
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Your love was perfect, it is everything that I could ever want and desire.
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Matthew
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I close the message and wash up. I need to make it up to him, I need to make it right between us before he does leave. I stumble back over to the bed and crawl in next to Jay.
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He shifts closer to me and I welcome his warmth and comfort. With his arms securely around me I drift into a dreamless sleep.
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