"I'm sorry I just lost it, you're not the only one feeling high emotions okay" Jay says focusing on the road.
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"You just left me." I say stubbornly.
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"That was out of order. I understand. I just didn't want to be in that room anymore. Believe it or not I don't wanna hit Matthew" Jay says.
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"He's an absolute ass. But I'd like to think I'm past being taunted and hitting him. Yes I had him against a wall" he sighs looking at my amused expression.
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I defrost a little. I turn my body towards him in the car.
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"It was too much. I'm sure Rach loves stirring up stuff and causing fights" I say softly.
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"I get it. I wanted to rip you away from her when you kissed her" I say sympathetically.
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"Are we totally jealous partners" he laughs softly.
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"I just think it was a step too far" I say.
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After a brief pause, the music down low and the heater on. I feel Jays free hand rest on my knee.
"I love you Taylor, I cannot share. Since you have become pregnant with my child my protectiveness has hit the roof. I'm sorry that came out in the form of anger tonight" he says softly.
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"I love you too, I guess no more spin the bottle then" I say.
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Houses out of the window pass and then we are on the highway eventually leading to the lake which we currently call home. I look out at the lake and take in the dark, inkey water that still gives me a feeling of peace and calm.
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Jay pulls us into the drive and kills the engine. He comes around and gets my door, holding it open for me.
“I’m actually so glad to be back here” I say softly.
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We walk in together through the back door into the large kitchen. I go to the kettle switch it on and glance at the large iron clock on the wall and notice that it’s 2am.
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“The new house has a hot tap” Jay says smiling.
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“No more waiting for the kettle to boil” I laugh.
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I pour two cups of hot cocoa and smile at him.
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“What time do you wanna start moving tomorrow” I ask him.
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“Not too early” he chuckles.
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He takes me in his arms, his expression changing from amused to serious quickly.
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“You don’t love him anymore?” He asks softly.
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I feel like I’ve been splashed with cold water. He means Matty. Going to his house was a bad move.
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“Jay” I begin looking him in the eyes.
“I’m here. We’re here” I say taking his hand and placing it on my belly.
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I can’t help but be annoyed at him. I love him completely and utterly. My past with Matty doesn’t change that. Personally I think when you have been so close to somebody, to the point of almost sharing your whole life with that person. And when you have lost it all with somebody, I can’t help but to think that there will always be an undeniable connection between the two of you. A connection that changes over time, from the burning love that myself and Matthew used to share. To merely acknowledging the fact that we had something once.
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“I know” he says caressing my tummy. Watching my eyes with his clear blue stare.
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“If you have any doubts about me I won’t begrudge you them, Taylor” he says softly.
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“I won’t” he says looking into my eyes, shiny tears suddenly falling from his own.
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“Why would I possibly ever have any doubts about you and us, Jay” I say softly my hands going to his cheeks. Catching the tears falling there.
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“Because I’m me” he says suddenly frustrated.
“I do stupid things, and I’m totally reckless. I get jealous. Wanna know how much I think about shutting him up? All the time because I want you to myself. Because I’ve never ever loved anybody, and now that I love you I can’t work out how to do it” he says.
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“I love you, Jay. I love you because you are you.” I say smiling.
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“I love you in spite of your recklessness. I love you because this is real for me. I need you so sorry, we need you. We need you and it’s too late for you to have a wobble and talk yourself out of it” I say breathless.
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“You are everything” I say unsure of any other way to put it.
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He catches my tears wiping them away with his fingers. We’re standing in our kitchen at 2am wiping away each other’s tears. And I know he is my all, my everything and the only one I will entertain for the rest of my life.
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“So take my everything, don’t let it go for the rest of your life. Don’t doubt it or forsake it. It’s yours” I say softly.
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He stares at me for a second before taking my lips in his own. Softly at first planting kisses on my lips and all over my cheeks and neck. I smile and chuckle lightly.
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“Jay, I love you” I whisper to him.
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“I love you” he whispers back unzipping my dress delicately and letting it fall to the floor. He kisses down my chest, unhooking my bra swiftly. Kissing my nipples, missing not even a millimetre of my skin. He bends to his knees, kisses my tummy in the most cherished soft sweet way. My breathing hitches at his delicate touch on my back, his lips.
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He looks up catching his breath still on his knees.
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“Taylor” he begins and he grasps my hand with my engagement ring. Places my hand and holds its over my tummy.
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“I know I’ve done this before. I know we’re engaged already but” he says softly.
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“Will you take me as your husband, the father of our unborn child, the other half of your everything for the rest of eternity” he says looking up at me.
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I had thought the first time he did this was emotional. Somehow the setting of a sandy beach in Australia cannot compare to our kitchen at 2am. The stillness of the world around me, just me and him and bump in our own moment. I cry. I fully cry, not cute happy tears this time. But tears that could fill up the oceans.
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This is the perfect engagement, just us and all that it means to the both of us.
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“I’ll take you for the rest of eternity” I finally manage through tears. Glancing down at him and realising that he too is crying.
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He kisses our bump again, and whispers so softly.
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“I won’t let you down” he says.
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His kisses are endless. I feel myself heating up again as if the temperature has just been dialled up. Through his kisses, his mouth never leaving my skin, not even for a second. He places his hands on my panties and hesitates slightly. As if asking permission to which my whole body screams; now take me now.
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“Yes” I say breathless. He doesn’t need to be told again he rips the sides of my panties and they fall to the floor.
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I part my legs and bending down in front of me he tastes me. He kisses me and my skin catches alight. Thrusting my hips into his mouth. He stands up and wordlessly lifts me onto the countertop.
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“You are” he says thrusting into me.
“Everything” he says finally opening his eyes to look into my own.
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“My Taylor” he says thrusting.
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“My baby” he smiles hand caressing my tummy.
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I smile at him whilst he’s inside of me.
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“All yours” I say.
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He moans. A sound I’ve not heard from him before; altogether more primal. I savour it.
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“Give me it all, Jay” I say softly.
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Deep inside me I feel him go and I clamp my legs around him not wanting to ever let him go.
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