Matthew James Henderson, I think will always get a rise out of me. His messages have been sitting waiting on my phone all afternoon. I've focused completely on packing up everything with Jay.
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Assisting Jay has been pretty light work considering I've spent most of the time just packaging stuff and not lifting so much as a piece of paper. I glance up at him now talking with the truck driver, his hair pulled back in a half up half down style. His shirt off, just his jeans on. How he doesn't realise just how beautiful he is, will always astonish me.
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I grasp my phone out of my pocket, I wanted to read them here and before we move into the new home. I unlock it to a wallpaper picture of myself and Jay on the top of the mountain, kissing. I click on the notifications from Matty and brace myself.
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For me it's beginning to look like no measure of words can ever be enough. No way of me saying things makes a difference. If I had thought this was different, this was something that didn't mean anything to me, or just me frivolously wanting you again- I wouldn't still be trying.
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All be it a game; I know that when you kiss me you feel a connection to me. I know that just like me you get lost in that kiss. I can't imagine my future without kisses from you. Without moments to get lost in.
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I glance up and check on the stuff being removed from our home, half of which has been placed inside the truck. The big and bulky items and furniture are all set and ready to go. Jay wanted to buy new but I managed to persuade him that some of our stuff was special and that we should keep it. We are going to go house shopping later next week for anything extra. Jay wants an oak dining table and who am I to complain.
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I load up the next message from Matthew.
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I'm probably sentimental. I'm definitely in love with you. I never stopped. Just kissing you reminded me of the connection we have. And everything I say comes out wrong but I will not stop saying it.
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I sigh. This was a very bad idea. I should not have entertained truth or dare. This is how it all started in the first place. I consider for a minute, I don't want to hurt him. I did get lost in his kiss. That much is true. But that doesn't mean that I should be with him, that we work as a couple. It doesn't mean to me what it does to him.
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I don't hesitate this time I reply. I need this done. And maybe, doubtfully, one day I will regret cutting him out in this way. However it is necessary. I glance at Jay watching him help the guys by lifting furniture onto the van. I hold my waist and take a seat on one of our lounge chairs that hasn't been taken just yet.
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What we had was all encompassing, we were the only people who existed to each other. That is bound to leave a mark on anybody. I know that when you kiss me it reminds me of the past. It reminds me of who I used to be.
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I am not that person anymore. I'm not that girl. I will never be her again. I love Jay. I love him. I'm sorry that's not what you want to hear but that is my choice. He is my future. He is my everything and he is what I want.
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I take a deep breath and push send. I place my phone back in my pocket before I change my mind and before I have to see his reply. That's if he does indeed reply to that message. I can only assume he will ignore it.
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I pull myself up just as Jay approaches.
"Nearly there" he sighs.
"Sorry it's taking so long" he says softly hugging me.
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"I'm sorry I can't help out" I smile looking up into those piercing blue eyes. Eyes that used to intimidate me in their intensity yet now captivate me.
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"Shh" he whispers in my ear.
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"You shh" I say back.
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He watches me intently. Looks over at the house and sighs.
"This place meant something to you" I comment seeing the sentimental look in his eyes.
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He looks at me and smiles.
"I never thought in a million lifetimes, I would be in this position." He smirks.
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"Moving into our own home together with one on the way" I laugh.
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"With the love of my life. I didn't think I'd find anybody that would take me on Taylor" he laughs.
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Taking my hand we walk back into the lake house. Seeing it empty of all of the furniture, devoid of pictures and artwork makes me a little sad. But I know we are going to fill our new home with all of those things.
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Jay guides me upstairs to our room. We're not taking the bed. We have a new king size that will be delivered to the new house later on today.
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Wordlessly he lifts me up and my legs go around his waist as he lays me on the side of the bed. Looking up at the bedposts I realise this is exactly how he had me the first ever time we had sex. I remember the first time I ever came here, and how I was the first and only person to be invited here by him.
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He hoists my dress up gently and moves my panties to the side, then whilst watching me he removes his jeans. I watch him, his chest and his muscular arms. He moves my hips towards him and he is inside me.
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I pull his arms towards me and he moves his whole body close to mine, his lips just inches from mine.
"Taylor" he whispers as I grind into him.
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"Mmm" I say.
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"this is the first place we ever had sex" I smile kissing him.
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"I had to do you here just one more time" he whispers in my ear.
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"Mrs Gilbert Scott" he whispers nipping at my ear.
I feel myself getting close and I hold my hips into him.
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"I need you" he says in my ear.
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"I love you" he whispers. He grasps onto my hips and pulses into me, it's so intense. He knows exactly what to do to get me there.
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"I love you too" I say back breathlessly.
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I feel him go inside of me, my orgasm is intense as I look up at the bedpost for the last time.
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"You know they may have heard us" I laugh.
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"Mmmm yep" he smiles.
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"One of them couldn't stop looking at you. I sure hope he heard the entire thing" he scoffs.
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I hit him playfully and sit up. I glance around the room taking it all in for the last time. Jay stands grasps my hands in his and kisses me softly.
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Pulling on his jeans and pushing his hair back he grabs his phone from the side and we head towards the door.
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“Bye room” I chuckle.
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He tickles me, takes one last look at the room and walks out behind me.
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