"I'm gonna grab some food" I announce.
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Ross stands ready and grabs his wallet from the side. Jay has been asleep for half an hour and the tv is on low.
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"What would you like?" I say to Matty. He looks at me with wide eyes.
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"You don't have to get me anything" he says, waking himself up a little.
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"Coffee, bacon sandwich it is then" I say and he smiles.
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"Thanks Tay" he says softly.
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I walk out with Ross, feeling far better than I did when I walked inside of that room. We head down the corridor out of Westcroft wing. He presses for the lift and rubs his eyes, pushes his hair back and then the door opens. He's tired and hungover and I don't envy him.
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We step in the lift together and he presses for the lower level. He stands looking at the doors, not at me. The air is charged and I know he wants to talk.
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I keep my mouth shut and look at the doors. Counting in my head, waiting for them to open.
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10, 9, 8. I say in my head. Why won't he look at me ? Why am I so selfish?
7, 6, 5. Why do I always need his physical contact? Why am I so needy?
4, 3, 2. Why is it every drama is solved by his hugs?
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"Ross" I say looking at the lights on the door.
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He turns to look at me.
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"I don't even care right now, I just want you to hug me" I say.
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He pulls me into his warm body and his arms wrap around me. I cry softly. I hug him back feeling his chin and lips rest in the space in between my neck and jaw. He holds me so tight.
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"I thought I'd ruined everything, I thought he might not wake up" I say.
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"I know" he says in my ear.
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"I'm so selfish that I need you to console me" I say.
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"I'm always here" he says.
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"Now shh" he says softly.
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I listen to him and his soft breathing, his heart beat.
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"Thank you" I say.
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The lift comes to a slow stop and I unwrap myself from him. Wiping my eyes ready for the doors to open.
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We step out together and head on over to the nearest coffee shop. I order. I'm suddenly hungry. I need some space from everything so I take a seat, with my two bacon wraps.
I eat them slowly and Ross just stays with me. He sips his coffee, he said no to food and I know he's feeling his hangover.
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"If you are feeling sore, please Ross go home and rest" I say softly.
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"Not at all" he says softly and his hand goes over my free one briefly.
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"You're hanging like a bitch" I say to try and lighten the mood.
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"I'm good with hangovers" he says.
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"You're good with everything" I say.
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He smiles.
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"Now eat your bacon rolls and don't worry about me" he laughs.
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I do as I'm told. Then I sip some water.
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"Better?" He smiles.
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"Mhmm" I chuckle.
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He puts his hand in mine over the table.
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"Jay is going to be just fine. This is not your fault. And never ever feel guilty about asking me to look after you and give you a hug" he says looking into my eyes. Tears prick at my eyes and I smile at him.
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"Now let's take Matty up some food before he really does fall asleep" he says laughing.
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He grabs the bag with the food in and guides me back to the lift. This time as soon as the doors close he wraps his arms around me and rubs my back lightly. He doesn't say a word.
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We walk back to Westcroft wing and as I enter Matty eyes me. He sits up slightly.
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"Here" I say handing him a coffee.
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"He's been asleep the whole time" Matty smiles.
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"Thanks" he adds.
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"It will be okay Taylor" Matty says.
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"Thanks Matty" I say and he places the coffee down. Stands stretching in front of me and then offers me a hug.
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Myself and Matthew don't do this at all ever. Not since the day I walked out. The only time we've hugged was when he was in hospital. It was an extenuating circumstance. He tends to keep himself away from me physically, because of the memories.
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He hugs me, and I can smell his familiar cologne.
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"You'll be just fine" he whispers.
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He lets me go and brushes his hair back. Looking down at the floor and anywhere but at me. He sighs slightly and I look away.
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I move out of his personal space and sit back down.
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"I would totally understand if you guys want to go home and sleep off your hangovers" I say.
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"No, Taylor. I'm not leaving you here" Matty says.
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"Not a chance" Ross smiles.
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Matty tucks into his sandwich and my phone rings. I messaged Andrew, Jays dad last night.
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My palms sweat at the prospect of answering his call.
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"Hi Andrew" I say and Matty eyes me. He knows Jay's dad.
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"Hi Taylor are you okay? Is baby okay" he asks instantly and I feel shock. I expected him to ask after Jay first.
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"I'm fine, baby is fine" I reply shocked.
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"Thank God. Was Jay fighting" he asks.
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"No actually I was in an altercation with another girl, a verbal one. And then she swung a brandy bottle at me. Jay got hit, as he swung me out of the way" I say.
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"How is he. I assume you called the police" he answers matter of factly.
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"He's actually okay. Initially he blacked out. He's had stitches. But since then he has woken up." I say.
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"Okay, thankyou Taylor" he replies.
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"I assume he is asleep otherwise he would have grabbed your phone knowing I'm on the line" he laughs.
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"I'll deal with the police send any enquirers to me" he says softly.
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"When he wakes tell him I'm proud of him and his big head" he laughs.
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"I will do" I laugh.
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"Stay safe Taylor" he says and hangs up.
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I put my phone down.
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"Have the police contacted anybody yet" I ask Matty.
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"I gave my number as I didn't want them hassling you" he says
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"Thank you" I say sweetly.
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"Jays dad is going to deal with it, if they do contact you pass them onto his dad" I say.
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"Do you have his number" I ask.
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"Ends in 754" I reply.
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He checks his phone.
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"Yep that's the one I have" he smiles.
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I rest my head back, and within minutes I'm asleep again.
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