Jays POV
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I've set up a fire, Taylor is a great stick collector. When we arrived at the campsite she opened up her little bag and a whole forest of sticks came tumbling out.
The fire is roaring and like most campsites there's a little wall around it to protect it from the wind and also to not attract too many wild visitors.
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I am armed. I haven't told Taylor. But I am just in case. For any eventuality be it a big bear or a mountain lion. The camp site is already partially set up, however I assemble the tent keeping the sleeping bag rolled for now until we get in it. There's a large water pump on site and I have collected water for all of our needs.
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My first point was to build a sizeable fire, which Taylor is now enjoying as I'm cooking us dinner over it. Taylor has been playing her guitar and singing, and I don't think I have ever heard anything more enchanting in my life. Something about hearing her voice echo over the mountains is pure magic. At the moment she's covering knocking on heavens door.
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As the food is cooking I check my phone. Several new messages from dad. Taking a seat next to Taylor I take a look at his messages.
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Good job son, I assume you both needed a getaway. Please send details of the lodge for insurance purposes.
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I'm all together taken aback. I believed I would receive a grilling. I read on.
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Do you remember when we hiked and you saw that mountain lion? Your face was a picture. J keep safe and hope you enjoy your time there, make sure Taylor is kept safe too. Dad.
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I chuckle a little remembering him grabbing me pretty much by the collar as I was running ahead like he had told me not to do when we came across a large mountain lion. Mum had screamed and I had apparently squared up to the lion like a silly boy. We were all unharmed.
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I go over to check the meat. It's browning nicely and will taste great. It's cheating to buy stuff from the shop. But somehow I wasn't up for being a hunter and gatherer too today.
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A few songs later and were eating around the campfire.
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"Thanks Jay" she says smiling up at me
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"This is the best camping experience ever." She says with a shine in her eyes.
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"Thank you Taylor for being here with me" I say.
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"My dad messaged back" I blurt out as she tucks into the food and I sit contemplating.
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"He's just happy for us" I say bizarrely.
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"Of course he is" she laughs as if that's the most obvious thing in the world.
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"I think in all of his ways he just means for you to be happy Jay" she says cautiously as I smile grabbing a beer. We had discussed alcohol in the shop and Taylor had opted for non alcoholic wine as she is worried about having already conceived.
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"It's okay?" I ask her curiously.
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"It's perfect" she turns to me ruffling my hair and smiling before she kisses me softly and then looks up cheekily.
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"One kiss under the stars" she smiles.
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"My debt is repaid" she says laughing.
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"You're adorable" I tell her meaning it.
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We finish off our food and I lean back stretching out, the fire keeping my chest warm. I gaze up at the stars and thank each one for giving me this life with her.
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"Jay I brought my letter with me" she says out of the blue laying next to me.
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I turn to face her and eye her curiously.
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"I bring my dads letter almost everywhere but now I want to open it" she says clarifying.
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She retrieves a letter from her bag, I can't help but to watch her bare legs walk around the fire as I'm laying down.
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Coming to lay back down next to me she begins opening his letter.
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I'm watching her face for every indication of what he might have written down. Inevitable tears fall down her pink cheeks and I beat the urge down to grab his letter and chuck it into the fire. Why wasn't he there for her ? What was so bad that he had to leave ? She's the most perfect person ever and it kills me to see her beating herself up like it's her fault.
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Eventually she looks up at me and I see understanding and relief in her eyes.
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"He left because" she begins sobbing and then hands me the letter. I take a look. I'm disgusted that he could make her cry. Scrambling over the page, I give it a read, his writing is much like hers.
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Taylor,
I'll start with an apology because it's important to me that you know that I am truly sorry. I don't expect that to change everything. But I must say it.
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The decision I made when you were little was one I very much thought about for a long long time before I came to the conclusion that I should leave.
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It is entirely my fault. I was the problem.
I was very much dependent on alcohol, that was a sort of stepping stone for me into other areas of addiction. I felt that I would have been detrimental to your quality of life. At that time it was important for me to get clean and be away from you all.
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I have done that.
I am clean and sober (2 years and 4 months)
It has been a stop and start journey for me of relapsing and having to start over.
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It's important that you know this because I would not ever ever want you to feel like you are the problem. Because that is not the case. I am. I have managed to fix that problem for myself and for you, my daughter.
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I will enclose contact details should you wish to use them but I understand if not. And an up to date picture,
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Dad x
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That's unexpected is my first thought. It's one of those scenarios where ultimately he did the right thing given the situation yet it still hurt everybody around him. I question why he didn’t explain this to his wife, Taylors mom at the time. In that respect she wouldn’t have spent years questioning why he left them. Perhaps he was unable, incapable of communicating due to his addictions. Perhaps it was shame.
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I put my arms around her and hold her into me. Now mine to protect.
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"It's okay" I say. Softly stroking her arms. I vow to exceed all of her expectations. I make it my life’s mission to keep her happy and to make sure that she never feels that abandonment again.
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