"She's beside herself" Kim says and I can see that she's been crying. Puffy eyes and flushed cheeks.
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As I stand and cross the room to hug her, Ross and Jay enter with the smell of takeaway pizza. I hug Kim, and she hugs me back beginning to cry on my shoulder.
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I see out of my peripheral vision Jay laying out the pizza on the side table and I smile weakly at him. Ross takes a piece and begins eating, sitting down in a chair next to the bed. I watch him briefly, the stress evident in his expression. I'm sure he found Matty, in this state. And I make a mental note to make sure he is okay.
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Kim is clinging onto me and I just hug her. Thinking of ways that I could possibly make this better.
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"He said a few words, When you were out of the room" I say softly.
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"What did he say" she asks, pulling back astounded. The hope evident in her face again, shining through her eyes. Showing through her small smile, and I'm glad I persisted talking to him.
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I bite my tongue slightly, problem is he told me that he loved me. Which to be fair Jay knows. But still it feels like treachery to, even under the circumstances, acknowledge it and say it out loud.
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I look at her and smile.
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"He said a few words and that's a big deal. Now pizza" I say softly.
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She looks at me knowingly and smiles back.
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"Thanks Jay" she says as she takes a slice. Obviously they know each other already, Matty and Jay have been friends a long time.
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I eye the pizza and go and sit down next to Jay.
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"You know what I'm gonna say" he smiles. And I love him so much, his wry smile. He doesn't want to lecture me about eating so he turns it into a joke.
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"I'll take a piece in a minute" I smile back. And it's the most normal I've felt since I received Ross' phone call.
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"Thank you" I smile at him lingering my stare in his eyes.
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He knows that I want to say more, how much I love him and need him. How he makes everything better, and his face softens. His hand softly goes to my thigh, clasping my hand in his.
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I glance at the clock and see that it's almost midnight already. Strange how time has stood still this evening. How time has refused to make any sense to me. Since I received that call my world has stopped, time has meant nothing to me.
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"Eat, Taylor" Kim says and I can't deny her. She is like an older sister to me.
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I pace over to the pizza box feeling hungry. I'm sure bump is hungry too and I smile slightly.
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"I bought you a shake too" Jay says and without looking at him I can tell that he is smiling.
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I had been craving fruit shakes, which is good because they're healthy and not half as gross as some of the cravings I could be having.
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I clasp the bottle in my hands and smile, going to sit next to him again with a slice of pizza and my shake.
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We eat in relative peace and quiet. Not remembering when the last time was that I ate, I end up eating far too much pizza and finishing my shake.
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I sit back feeling Jays arm go behind me. I fight it but eventually I begin to fall asleep, I snuggle into his chest and he reclines my chair. Stroking my hair his other hand rubbing my back.
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Jays POV
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Matty's sister, Kim, we've known each other for a very long time. Birthday parties, we celebrated most of Matty's birthdays together. From a young age. We went from playing games and hitting piñatas to playing beer pong. Getting Matty trashed on his 18th.
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I glance over at her, take in the sadness in her eyes. Then look away quickly so she doesn't catch my eye. Really I feel guilty, this is my fault. I started the feud between us. I took Taylor. I look down at her and stroke her hair back. My everything.
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I can relate to this act of desperation, if Taylor told me she would never love me again, I would be so desperate. So alone and craving an end to my life.
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I sigh head going in my hands, pushing my hair back. This will affect her so much, it will take her a very long time to process this. Her fight or flight kicked in right after that call. And I understand that because she cares for him.
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I glance over at Ross, and beat myself up for not being there. He found Matty. When we went to the pizza place he told me that he thought he was gone. Describing Matty's soft features and how they had gone pale, lifeless.
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"Jay" Kim says.
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"Yes" I say, well this is both awkward and intriguing.
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"It's not on you either" she says softly.
"You love her" she half asks.
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"I love her" I say.
"And yes it is very much on me" I add.
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"No dude" Ross says concerned.
"We should have all seen the risk here" he adds.
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I look down at Taylor, pinch my eyes closed, to stop the tears escaping. I'm sure I shock Kim crying in front of her, it's not something I ever would do before Taylor.
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Matty's monitor continues with its beeps. He will pull through this, has to. Should he not, I just don't know how to console Taylor from that kind of loss.
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Nobody feels like talking anymore. Eventually we all fall asleep. Plunged into nightmares of the worst kind.
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