"Can I grab two minutes just after your session" Matty says, his brown hair cascading down his forehead in loose curls. I glance into those dark green eyes the ones that hold onto the past. Our past, full of love and tenderness.
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I was shocked to feel the tap on my shoulder as I stood waiting alone for the bell to go. I turned knowing just who it was. From the way he hesitated just as I was turning around.
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"Sure Matty" I say. He smiles full of relief.
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"I just uh" he begins.
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"I'm just" I say at the same time. We both laugh.
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"you first" He smiles and scrapes at his hair.
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"I'm just gonna have to change and then I'll meet you here?" I say and then I move away.
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"sure see you in around an hour" he says.
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"See you then" I say and then I resolutely walk away. I will not think about it or wonder what he is going to say. I will dance my socks off and concentrate on that instead.
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When I get in the studio after changing my teacher congratulates me on getting principal. I thank her and downplay the whole thing, not wanting the attention. And that's when I notice her at the back by the mirrors. Kat from earlier in the canteen, platinum blonde with Joshua. Shes staring at me. Maybe she has always been in my class and I have just failed to notice her before now. Perhaps she's just joined dance? I look away and conceal my shock.
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We begin practice and I steer clear of her altogether. After a while I get lost in moving and I savour the feeling of being consumed by nothing but dancing and moving. No thoughts about Matty and our impending discussion, nor platinum and her need to stare at me every chance she gets and definitely no letters from long lost fathers who want to talk to you again.
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I walk straight into the changing rooms the music still filling my ears from class and I wash up. I use the hairdryer and put on a little makeup. I'm seeing Jays mum after uni after all. I put my skirt and top back on and head for the door.
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"By the way" a voice says from just behind me. What is it with people sneaking up behind me today.
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I stop but stand still. It's platinum. Why these girls think I'm after their guys is beyond me. I'm literally engaged.
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"Not gonna look at me?" She asks and I sigh turning around. Friends Taylor remember, we can do this I remind myself.
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" Yes? " I say and her expression tells me that friends maybe slightly optimisitic.
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"Joshua morelli he's mine. He's not about to be playing Pool or anything else with you" she snarks at me.
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"Got it. I'm with Jay no need to worry." I say resigned.
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"well stick to him then" she says.
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"Excuse me?" I say, I am done with being openly insulted.
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She makes an intolerable face and I decide it's not a fight that's worth having. I exit and head over to the entrance of the building. He is there. Matthew James Henderson.
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I look over at his devoted expression and wonder what I will have to do with him to stop him from looking at me like that. Like I'm everything, the sun is setting behind him. His chestnut hair and tanned skin glowing. His smile that I remember so well.
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"Okay shoot" I say keeping it casual when I catch up to him.
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"Oh" he laughs
"No I... I just like well I wanted to say that I'm sorry for being an ass about everything. Also I haven't spoken to just you in ages" he says watching me.
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"Yeah" I say tentatively
"It's okay really. I get it" I smile.
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We walk for a little while towards the car park.
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"Taylor" he begins and he stops in the lane. Trees, shrubs and grass surrounding the walkway. There are a few street lamps that are not working so it's pretty dark. I stop and face him, keeping a good distance between us.
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"This should be us. Okay? Like we were supposed to do that. I know you think you've decided. I get that. But please please" he begs watching me.
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"Please this is reversible. It is never ever too late to take a step back from it all." He says watching me.
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"I understand. Look I know where you're coming from I get it. I just love him, I know what I want" I say with conviction.
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"How?" He says exasperated and then his expression changes as he sucks in a breath of air and rethinks what he is going to say.
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"How ? Because he is the love of my life" I tell him, angry by him assuming he knows better than me.
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His expression saddens and I feel bad. A dark shadow comes over his eyes and he looks downwards towards the floor.
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"Yeah I get it. But I only get it because you're the love of my life" he says simply.
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"I'm not Matty. I'm not okay. I'm with him and I'm marrying him" I tell him resolutely.
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"You are" he whispers and strokes my cheek lightly.
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This silence is deadly. I can hear his breathing, feel his fingertips setting my skin alight.
"Remember, laying in bed and kissing all morning, me stroking your belly" he says softly.
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I stand still, hot under his fingertips.
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"You and I were supposed to be together. We went through stuff together" he says softly. He means losing the baby. He means everything that I can't think about.
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"We are supposed to be Taylor" he says softly one hand reaching for me and the other tracing lines down my neck.
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"Matty" I say slowly.
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"Yes" he smiles.
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"I can't" I begin softly and he shh's me, pulling me into an embrace. His familiar cologne and his warmth surrounds me.
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"I still love you" he says softly in my ear his mouth inches from my neck.
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"I still want you" he whispers in my ear.
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"All the time" he whispers and then lightly kisses my neck.
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I pull away from him.
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"No I'm engaged" I tell him and he smiles slightly.
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"No you're engaged or no you don't love me. There's a difference" he says and I step back.
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He takes the lead, shaking his head and smiling. He takes my hand and starts walking me back to the car park quietly as if he's just processing what's just happened between us.
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I take my hand inconspicuously away from him and search my bag for my phone. I retrieve it and check my messages. As I don't have any messages from Jay I take a quick look at my social media and see a few messages from Jacob. My principal partner for the dance company. I glance up from my phone to see Jay walking towards us. He was surely at the car and got worried when it took me too long too appear.
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He eyes me, checking me over protectively. I smile at him to reassure him but he turns his eyes on Matty.
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"Go to the car, please I love you and for once do as I say" Jay commands when I reach him. He's watching Matty and the smile that's playing on his lips.
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"No" I tell him.
"Please let's just go" I say watching his body language.
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He sighs heavily
"I thought not" he laughs.
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"Yeah see you ..." Matty begins and Jay takes a step in his direction. It's a warning.
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"Later. Taylor" Matty finishes sighing.
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"Don't worry I'll take a hit for her" Matty sighs at Jay.
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"Anytime" he adds.
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"Not necessary." I say.
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“See you later” I say to Matty as he’s walking off toward his car.
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I tug at Jay pulling him toward the lovely mini. I'm driving us back. Now so that we can continue our evening without any fights or dramas.
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