I rise in the morning wishing I didn’t. I sigh looking at Matty half asleep sitting up. Holding onto my hand still. I squeeze his hand lightly. And he startles awake.
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“Taylor” he says sleepily.
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“You could have laid down” I say softly. He pushes his hair back and sighs. He stretches out like he used to.
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“I’m not going to uni today” I say defiantly.
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“I don’t blame you, how are you feeling” he asks standing up in just his sweat shorts.
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I curl up into a ball, hiding my face
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“Awful” I say truthfully.
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“Where is Jay” I ask.
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“Honestly I don’t know, you were my priority” he says and he’s tired.
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“Here” I say standing up. I open the duvet and look at him.
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“Lay down” I say and I’m not accepting a no.
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“I’ll go make breakfast, I need to be busy” I say.
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“Tay” he says and he holds my arms. Softly inspecting them, his fingertips going over the scratches. I’ve come out in black and blue marks, several bruises on my forearm. It must have been rougher than I had first thought.
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“Taylor you could press charges” he says.
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“This is not okay” he explains.
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“No” I say stubbornly.
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“People make mistakes” I say, his green eyes watch me. He looks torn.
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“Jay will press this” he says. And I don’t doubt him.
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“Jay will do what I need him to do” I say.
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“Now coffee” I say and I leave the room. Head downstairs and into the small kitchen. It’s quiet downstairs so I put the radio on. I can’t contend with silence. I busy myself, because that is exactly what I need. I haven’t looked in the mirror. I haven’t dared look at my arms. He grabbed my hips too and I know they’re sensitive. I don’t think about it or I will cry. Again.
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I crack some eggs over a pan and cook some sausages. The coffee machine is whirring filling the log cabin with the smell of brewing coffee. This is normal. I will not wallow in bed all day, I will not cry all day either.
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I plate up a tray of eggs and put on the bacon. Placing the eggs on the table and putting on some toast. I hear the door creak and I look over my shoulder. Jay walks in, Jacob behind him. Jay pushes his hair back its damp from the morning dew. His eyes stare at me, and he’s intense. He crosses the log cabin, and when he reaches me his arms encompass me in a hug.
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“I’m so sorry I left you last night” he whispers.
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“I missed you” I say.
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“Matty sat at the end of the bed all night long” I say.
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He kisses me, his lips urgent and pressing. Jacob hangs out by the door, like a dog who’s not been invited in.
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“If I didn’t talk it through or so do something about it, I would have killed him” he says and I know he means it.
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“So we walked, for hours” he says and he watches me.
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“We walked and spoke and it’s not okay but I need you to understand that for you, and only because of you I will not do shit” he says.
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“I love you” I say and he watches me.
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“I love you Taylor Gilbert Scott” he says.
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“I will do anything for you” he says.
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I sit him down in the wooden chair and he watches me.
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“You must be cold” I say softly. Eyeing up his chest. How he’s just been wearing shorts out in the rain all morning. I plate him up two eggs, toast, bacon and beans. Set it down in front of him and smile. His eyes lock with mine and I smile at him.
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“Eat” I say softly.
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“You too” I say to Jacob. Inviting him back in.
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He walks over and sits the furthest away from Jay. I plate him up some food. And then I attend to the bleeping coffee machine.
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“It’s over” I say seriously over my shoulder.
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“We treat this like some bad nightmare that never happened” I say and I’m resolute.
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The music distracts me, they’re playing Bruce Springstein, dancing in the dark. And I move around the kitchen enjoying the music, humming and feeling more and more normal by every passing note.
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Ross comes down next, I hear him pull up a chair next to Jay. I don’t turn around. I can’t look at him, he always makes me cry when I’m emotional. It’s his kind eyes.
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I grab him a coffee and set it down. He eyes my bruises and looks away quickly.
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“Good morning” he says looking up at me.
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“Morning, how’s Rachel” I ask.
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“Asleep” he says and I knew he would make sure that she was okay.
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“I told Matty to sleep” I say softly, he was awake for hours.
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I grab him a plate of breakfast and some for myself too. I set it down in front of him and then sit down around the small table myself and eat.
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After eating, I wash the dishes with Jay hugging my waist standing behind me. He’s making up for not being with me all night. I look out of the large window at the fields seeing the mist clear and the rain ease. He hums in my ear.
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“We’re going for a spa day” he says in my ear.
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I smile.
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“You haven’t bought the whole spa have you” I say laughing. It’s Friday and that means we’re bunking again and clearly going to a spa later.
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“No” he says and I can feel his grin even though he’s kissing my ear.
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“We’re going together. Tonight” he says just loud enough for the others to hear. He knew that I would need two things; a change of scenery and him.
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I turn and face him and wrap my arms around his neck kissing him. His hands slide under my T-shirt. I break away from him and he bites his lip.
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“I need just you and me for the whole weekend” I say and he smiles.
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I sit him down with another coffee and he obliges. I kiss him bending over him, in just his long T-shirt. His had grazes my thigh and I tease him pulling away. I put the rest of the food on the table for the guys to choose what they would like, and I take Matty some food to have in bed. He did stay up with me for most of the night.
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