“I’m just fine” I say wiping my eyes, stuffing the tissue in my purse and fishing around for my compact mirror.
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I pull it out and assess the damage to my makeup. Thankfully I wore waterproof mascara, so I don’t look like a panda. I top up my lipstick all the while having two concerned guys watch me. Matty looks as though he’s about to start something so I stop my crying, last thing I need is for Jay and Matty to be fighting.
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“You’ve been crying” Matty says softly. I feel Jay clench at my side as Matty reaches out to wipe my eyes.
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“It’s been an emotional few days” I say and desperately try to control my sobbing.
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I count in my head and stubbornly look up and away from them. The first love and the current love of my life. Not many people get to say that, not many people get two loves. Or even one.
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“What did I ever do to deserve all of this” I say and I stroke Jays face.
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They both look at me alarmed. Like I’m speaking in tongues.
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“You” I say to Matthew.
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“My first love. And you” I turn to Jay.
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“The most attentive wonderful fiancée a girl could ever want, I love you” I say and grab my tissue again. Dabbing any tears away.
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They both just stare at me.
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“She’s pregnant” Matty says watching me.
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I look up at Jay and he’s watching me just as intently.
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“We’re pregnant, yes” I say simply.
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“You guessed” I say looking at Matty.
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“You’re emotional the same as when…” he says staring into my eyes.
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Matty swoops his hair back, breaking his stare. He breathes out softly.
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“Congrats” he says smiling at me and I can feel the pain behind his smile. The memories of us being pregnant together seeping through.
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“I’m not far along, Ross already guessed but nobody else knows” I say softly to him.
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“I’d rather not have anybody else know because of…” I say looking down at my tummy.
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“Of course. I would never tell…” he says stunned all over again.
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“Jay” he says turning to him, as if he’s just remembered that Jay exists.
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“Congratulations man. You’re going to be a dad” he says and his mask is back on.
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“Thanks Matty, that means a lot” Jay says.
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Matty watches me again and I can tell that he’s thinking a lot of things, I stand there wishing I could jump into his brain and have a look around. My desires are for him to be happy and the problem is he sees that happiness as being tied to me. And I cannot give him that anymore.
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“Okay let’s hug it out” Jay says smiling at me.
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I let his arms encircle me and I hold him back. I know we’re not finished with this conversation. We’re just storing it away for later.
I look up over his shoulder, seeing Matty’s face just above him and I smile weakly at him.
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We break away from our embrace and Jay takes my arm. As we begin walking back to the front of the venue I make sure to plaster a smile on my face and smooth my dress over. Suddenly feeling self conscious of my body and how tight the dress clings to my hips and small bump. I feel like now that the people I’m most close to know, more people will see.
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I glance over realising I have a gorgeous man either side of me, protecting me. It’s almost enough to set me off again. I see plain Jane just ahead of me scowling at me as per usual. Jane dated Jay for sometime before we were an item. I was pregnant then with Matthew’s child. I look away from her, if I pay any attention to her I’ll either cry or scream.
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We enter the double doors of the hall and I notice the balloons first, thousands of balloons all in shades of white and ivory. Twinkling lights fall from the ceilings as if they are stars. The music fills the room and there is a dance floor where many dates are already embracing each other.
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Although the room is large, it’s just a bit bigger than our dining hall. The decorations are tasteful and there are professional photographers set up to take pictures. I make a mental note to get one of all of us together.
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Jay spots everybody at the bar and we head over. Kat has her back to Ross and is talking to Joshua Morelli, Ross takes in my expression and smiles. Told you he mouths and I can’t help but to chuckle. Rach is up on one of the stools trying to get the bartenders attention. Nate next to her is chatting with Ross. Joshua looks up as we arrive and sets me a wide grin, looking up and down my dress much to Kat’s annoyance.
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Joshua Morelli is one of those guys that cannot keep his eyes on just one woman. He has to acquire them all. That’s his only goal. Head of the football team, destined to be something great when he’s older. Or just another player with a fancy car and a fancy wife who he ignores. His brunette hair is perfectly styled tonight in a way that makes him look manly and groomed. His olive skin glowing and spotless. He looks older than most, but that’s because he’s in the same year as Jay. They are graduating this year. However Jay took on psychology with Ross and myself at the start of the year meaning he still has one year left to finish the course.
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I stand the other side by Rachel, not wanting to get into more arguments with Kat. Shes avidly listening to Joshua talk, probably about football. And she’s never seemed more interested in what somebody has to say in her life.
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The barman comes to us, and I order a virgin margarita, beers for Jay and Matty and Prosecco for Rachel. I lean slightly against the bar to alleviate the pain in my heels.
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“I’ll get you a stool” Jay whispers and before I can protest he’s off to find one.
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“Taylor” Matty says softly.
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“I don’t want to cry okay Matty so keep it light” I laugh.
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“No I just wanted to say that I’m happy for you” he smiles.
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“I didn’t get chance to say that earlier” he says softly.
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“Thanks that means a lot” I say looking at him.
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He strokes my arm just briefly, and sips his beer. I turn to face the dance floor resting my back against the bar. I see Jay making his way through the crowd holding a stool above his head, I stifle a laugh.
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He sets it down in front of me and I sit up on it. He stands facing me his hands on my hips. He kisses me lightly but my body wants more. I hold back from him as he pulls away. He begins chatting to Matty and I relax. Maybe we can all get through this night without any drama or fighting.
