Let's make sure we pick something non sexy I tell myself standing in my walk in wardrobe with nothing on. I've showered, put on some cream and now I'm deciding what to wear in front of a man that has seen me naked I don't know how many times.
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I settle for a white nightshirt which clings to bump, I don't have any maternity nightwear just yet. I head down the stairs, hair still wet, no makeup on at all. Just bare little old me. Sorted he cannot be attracted to me like this.
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Pacing into the kitchen I watch him cooking up steaks shirtless in his black jeans. Remembering the tattoos I haven't seen for some time. Writing on his ribs, I can't remember what it says but I can't get all up in his face and have a read.
He turns to face me, eyes inconspicuously travelling up my legs and he smiles.
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"Almost done" he says. I walk over to him and take over. He somewhat awkwardly moves back, when we were together he would wrap himself around me. We've cooked together enough times for me to predict his behaviour. Like a favourite song you never forget the lyrics to.
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I start humming along to the eagles and I hold onto my bump, flipping steaks and putting on the chips in the fryer. I had been craving fried food so Jay bought us a fryer. He never does anything by a half measure. Most men would just get takeout. But not him he splashes out on a whole new appliance.
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I turn to face Matty who is watching me, a delicate look on his face.
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"You know" I whisper.
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"You're gonna have to stop looking at me like that" I say and he smiles and bites his lip.
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"Taylor" he says softly approaching me.
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"I'm not in control here" he whispers.
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"You are" he says just inches from me. He traces his finger over my lips. My breath hitches and I just stare at him.
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"Medium" I say glancing down at the steak and then back into his eyes.
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"Mhmmm" he smiles and I plate his up, his hand just resting on my hip bone, casually.
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"Mine needs a lot more" I laugh and he strokes my waist again.
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Henry kicks at him and he smiles looking up at me, holding his hands on my bump.
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"He doesn't ever sleep does he" he smiles.
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"God no" I smile back.
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He glances down, his hands on bump and I smile watching him. His eyes just transfixed on me. I let my mind go and stroke his hair lightly.
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I turn my attention back to my steak, facing it and flipping it. It has to be well done. It's not ready just yet. I pull the chips out of the fryer, Matthew standing with me. I let them drip dry.
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"Please, as much as I love you doing this. Sit down" he smiles and he guides me to the table. We're too familiar with each other he almost kisses me when he leaves to turn back to the cooking.
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He plates up the fries and then preps a salad. I sit back quietly watching him. Thinking of all the time we shared, the times we had when I was pregnant with his child. I feel the emotion wash over me again and that's it, I'm crying. I just did not anticipate how spending time with him like this would affect me. Ever since we left things we've not been alone together like this. And it turns out it's a pretty big deal.
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"Matthew" I say and he stops what he's doing.
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"Taylor" he says looking at me assessing my body language, he takes in my tears and puts the knife down. He rushes to my side.
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"I just want you to know that I'll always be here for you" I tell him, and tears prick from my eyes.
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"I know that I'm not the best at stuff, and I know that I ruined a lot. But I will be here for you" I tell him.
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"I know that we missed out on so much" I tell him and I'm crying. Why am I doing this to myself ? Why am I putting him through this? He cups his hands around my jaw.
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"You ruined nothing. You are still everything to me" he says adamantly.
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"Now" he smiles wiping my eyes.
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"Let me feed you" he says and he strokes my waist again.
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"Otherwise Jay will kill me" he chuckles and I laugh back.
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He watches my eyes briefly, deliberation in his stare. After a few painfully long seconds he pulls himself away and checks on my steak.
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"It's well well done" he smirks.
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"I'll cover it in sauce" he laughs.
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He finishes up the dish and then sets it down in front of me. I smile up at him like I used to and he goes to grab his own food.
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Taking a seat next to me he eats and I pull my eyes off of him.
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"You always made a good salad" I chuckle and he looks up at me through his lashes smiling.
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"The rest is really good too" I say.
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He grasps my hand in his own just briefly.
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"I'm gonna say it" he says.
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"Who's the better cook" he asks laughing.
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"You or Jay?" I clarify laughing.
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"Have you tried Jay's cooking" I laugh.
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"Years ago Jay made me steak" he smiles.
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"But just steak" he smiles laughing.
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"He's gotten better" I defend him.
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"He made me just steak too" I smile; the first time we were at the lake house together Jay cooked for me and I still remember his expression when I questioned him on what we were having with the steak. One of utter confusion. I kissed him and put on some chips and made a salad.
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"You know you're the best cook" I laugh.
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"Oh really." He smirks. I smirk back at him and our eyes meet.
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I check my phone and see that Jay is boarding, I send him a message back telling him that I love him and miss him. And to have a safe journey. Placing my phone down I decide to aim the conversation on the nurse. That way he will be thinking about her and not me. Well that's the hope.
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"So this nurse" I say blatantly not even disguising my tactics.
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"What about her" he laughs.
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"Does she have your number" I ask.
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"She doesn't no, but she gave me hers" he says.
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I clap my hands together and he smiles, eyes full of mischief. I can't help but to remember when we first met. How years ago he wrote his number down on a scrap piece of paper and asked me to take it. I did and the rest was history.
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"Shall we message her" I say, acting like his mate. I grab the plates and put everything in the dishwasher. Wipe the sides down and then grab him a beer from the fridge. I carry it through to the living room.
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Laying down on the sofa I hand him his beer as he sits down next to me unsure of where to put himself he settles for sitting behind me. I lay back on him. My hair has dried out into loose waves and he pulls his fingers delicately through it.
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"Why do you want me to message her" he laughs.
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"Because then we can set you up on a date" I laugh back looking up at him.
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"If I date this girl just once something tells me that she will never leave me alone again" he laughs.
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"Oh really" I smirk.
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He passes me his phone, playfully looking at me, just dying to kiss me. I unlock it using his FaceID. His arms come to rest over my shoulders and on bump. I look up at him and he smirks again.
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His wallpaper has me pausing, realising it's a picture of us from years ago. It was taken when he gave me an eternity ring.
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"So this is why you're still single" I say looking up at him. I turn to face him intent of demanding answers as to why we're still his wallpaper.
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"Pictures of us on your phone" I say teasing him, kneeling and facing him. His arms lift up so as not to feel me up anywhere.
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"No I'm single because I'm not over us" he says simply staring into my eyes. I sigh and open up his messages.
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"Okay what's her name" I ask to begin with.
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"Olivia" he replies watching my lips.
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I scroll looking down through his contacts, Matthew is not a man slut I learn realising his contacts list is minimal.
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"There's no Olivia here" I laugh looking down at him. He's watching me closely.
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"Ahh we can't message her then" he smirks and I tickle him, placing his phone on his chest.
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"Where is it" I ask and he laughs tickling me right back. I'm betting she wrote her number down on some hospital notes, and physically gave it to him.
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"It's in my jeans" he moves slightly feeling his back pockets one hand holding me in place on him.
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"Oh it might not be this pair" he sighs melodramatically.
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"Matthew" I say going through his front pockets and coming up blank. I stare down at him realising I'm in his lap, my hands on his bare chest.
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"I'm sorry" I murmur slowly, moving back just slightly. He pulls me back onto him and I sigh.
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"I'm sorry, you won't find any girls number on me. I chucked it away" he says.
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"Why would you do a thing like that" I ask him.
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He smiles and sips his beer. His free hand stroking my hair back off of my face.
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"Shes heavy handed, she's argumentative. She is in your face and totally not for me. Plus I already have somebody" he smirks looking down at my hips.
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"Oh really, well do tell" I jibe at him.
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"Yeah you" he whispers and he shh's me when I begin protesting.
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