Taylor's POV
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"You know what I think Taylor? You're a fixer" she smirks and I giggle spooning baby porridge into Henry's mouth as he sits watching myself and Rachel in our robes sitting in the morning sun on the veranda.
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"A fixer that is what you are. You love to fix people and make them all better and don't get me wrong it's honourable and it's kinda cute..." she laughs and I smirk at her looking out at the shimmering pool and the sun shooting light down into the water.
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"Ross needed fixing and you ended up having him down on his knees proposing!" She laughs as I sweet talk Henry, taking a picture of him and sending it over to Jay.
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"Now Matthew needs fixing and you're hugging him and reassuring him again because you're a fixer" she declares triumphantly grasping the bowl of grapes and depositing them on her own plate. I made breakfast this morning, there's enough for ten people really. From the fresh fruit salad to the pancakes and the bacon. Eggs, poached and fried and all of the trimmings. Now myself and Rachel are just waiting for the boys to roll out of their beds and join us.
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"I am a bit of a fixer, you may have a point there" I laugh shaking my head as I wipe Henry's face and glance over my phone at Jay's response to the picture.
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You can tell Henry that I miss him. But boy Taylor do I miss your food. And you of course. I miss you mon amour. Hope he enjoys porridge. Surprise later. Jay xxx
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My mind wanders over what surprise he may have in store for us, considering this is Jay however it could mean anything. All be it that he is still in Dubai I'm sure that he will not let that stop him.
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"You admitted it" Rachel laughs eyeing my phone and cheekily reading my messages.
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"Oh a surprise!" She laughs as I slap her playfully before taking the bowl into the kitchen for the dishwasher. My hair swaying behind me and my silk pale blue robe pulled around me as I bend and place the bowl into the dishwasher holding onto bump, I feel Matthew's hand on my lower back and I jump perceptibly.
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"Let me, you shouldn't be doing lots you're pregnant" he whispers as I turn to face his green eyes and relax.
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"Now is there anything you want I'm making a coffee" he says with a grin on his face, his hair messy from sleep and his shirt wide open.
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"Green tea for me" I whisper and he smiles.
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"I'm sure Rachel will demand a coffee from you" I say wryly as he places his palm on bump looking at me tentatively, as if I will push him away.
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"He or she is growing huh" he smiles wryly as I nod.
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"I think it's a girl" I smile.
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"I made breakfast" I tell him before removing myself from his arms and waltzing back out to the veranda in the sun. My bare feet on the warm marble as I slip into my chair watching Rachel coo at Henry as she holds him on her knees. She cuddles him into her chest and sighs.
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"Oh someday soon" she chuckles rolling her eyes.
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"Have you discussed that one with Christopher" I smile and she laughs.
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"Babies?" She smiles.
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"Yes babies" I say rubbing bump.
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"Of course. He's totally daddy material"
She declares pushing her blonde hair back as Henry closes his eyes slowly looking up at her.
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"Here" Matthew says placing my green tea on the table and a coffee for Rachel.
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"Pancakes" he smiles and I laugh watching him load up on food like he always used too.
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"You're also a feeder" Rachel laughs and I giggle.
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"Taylor is great at feeding people" Ross concurs taking a seat next to me and heaping a plate up with food.
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"Man Italy is nice isn't it" he laughs as I giggle watching him look out at the fields and the sunshine.
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"New York hasn't got that charm" he says looking over at the landscape.
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"Oh you should see Dubai" I laugh taking Henry and placing him in the bassinet in the shade. Tucking him in with a light cotton blanket.
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"It's pretty much all on stilts" I laugh as Rachel looks at me perplexed.
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"Skyscrapers alongside beaches" I say as Matthew nods.
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"It's pretty at night. Everything is lit up all of the buildings glow" I say as Chris approaches us from the grape vine, a huge wicker basket in his hands as he walks bare chested in the sunshine.
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"Oh that's my man" Rachel laughs and I snicker rolling my eyes and sipping my tea.
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"Taylor you have quite a harvest of grapes" he announces once he reaches us placing the wicker basket down and showing us his pickings.
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"That's incredible" I remark.
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"How long did that take you" I say bemused and he laughs. Pulling up a chair he sits and grasps a pancake the sweat evident on his brow and chest.
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"Every morning I've been doing it, from six. I love it. Keeps me busy" he smiles and I grin looking at Rachel.
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"Good isn't he" she smirks ruffling his hair.
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The morning passes quickly, we feed Henry his applesauce lunch and I pack a few snacks and bottles of breast milk for our outing to Florence. Matthew will be driving myself and the baby and Ross is with the two lovebirds in the mustang.
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Having changed into a sundress and some sandals I emerge from the dressing room in the master bedroom and watch as Matthew dresses Henry in his shorts and bodysuit. The light streaming through the blinds onto his white button up shirt as he holds Henry and packs a few spare clothes and nappies into the changing bag. He's unaware of me until he turns and smiles warmly with the bag on his arm.
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"Ready" he smiles as I nod following him down the hall. The terracotta walls and the winding staircase feel like home to me, especially after being back a week.
Matthew places the pram into the boot of the Ferrari as I settle Henry into his car seat. It's a two hour drive to the city and I climb in the passenger side having given Henry a quick breastfeed in the back of the car. Much to Matthew's amusement he sat grinning in the drivers seat as I told him to concentrate on planning the route ahead rolling my eyes.
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We follow Christopher and the mustang down the lane from the farmhouse. The gravel crunching under the tyres and the sun glaring into the windscreen. The red bodywork of the mustang shining in front of us as we turn onto the open road surrounded by olive trees, the yellow and green fields that go on endlessly. Matthew cracks the windows down and the breeze filters through the car as I smile over at him.
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"Your playlist or mine" I say over to him as he laughs.
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"Yours always yours" he says simply.
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"Mine it is" I smile putting on some music and placing my phone down next to his in the console.
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"So do you think Rachel will choose a wedding dress today" I laugh as his hand rests down on my thigh.
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"I think we may be a while in the dress shop" he laughs easily.
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"No, you need to keep Christopher busy" I chuckle.
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"I'm not leaving you to the dress shopping stress on your own" he laughs and I smirk.
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"I'll hold Henry whilst you try on your bridesmaid gown" he smiles and I giggle placing my hands over my ever growing bump.
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"Ohh that sound" he whispers as Bon iver comes on my playlist and I smile over at him. The sun filters onto his face and I can't help but to stare at him.
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"What the music?" I whisper and he shakes his head looking at the road ahead. It's empty apart from the mustang before us as he strokes my leg and laughs.
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"No not the music" he whispers.
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"You laughing" he says slowly and I blush glancing at Henry who is sound asleep in his car seat, a pacifier in his mouth.
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"That sound will always do things to me" he giggles and I shake my head. I had carefully orchestrated our driving arrangements so that I could be alone with him for two hours. For many reasons, first and foremost as Rach has been lecturing me over the past week about my role within his life I've had some time to process it all. And over this drive I've decided we must talk.
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"It shouldn't" I argue as he laughs undeterred by my protestations.
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"Yet it does" he smiles and I sigh looking down at his free hand on me.
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"When everything happened" I begin slowly testing the waters after all he is driving at seventy miles per hour and I don't want to startle him into a panic attack.
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"New York?" He replies calmly and I assume it's okay to proceed in our deep dive.
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"Yes. I told Jay that I would fly to New York to get you to stop" I tell him flatly as he shakes his head.
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"How did he respond to that one" he almost laughs.
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"You can imagine" I mutter.
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We go quiet for a while as he thinks, concentrating on the road ahead. Olive trees fly past us and Henry snores softly in the back of the car.
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"You're going to launch into a talk aren't you" he says slowly as I grin slightly.
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"I know you by now, something happens and you think we need to talk it out for hours. To correct the way we feel about one another" he says slowly watching the road.
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"Talking is key to good communication" I tell him somewhat peeved.
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"It's clear we have a connection to one another Matthew. But I have chosen" I say softly.
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"When my mother was with my father" he begins and I turn and stare at him. It's a curveball as he rarely mention’s his father, whilst we were together for almost three years he mentioned his father once.
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"She was in love with him. It's only in hindsight and through age that I can see that. And for the time that she was with him they were right for each other. She chose him.” He explains looking over at me.
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“Ten years Taylor. They loved one another for give or take ten years. Through most of the arguments and everything she chose him. But now I look at her with Steve” he says softly, Steve is Matthew’s step dad. Linda, his mother is now married to Steve. I’ve never been clear on what happened to Matthew’s father, he’s never so much as told me his name.
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“My point is you can love people. And for an amount of time you can choose them above others. But really what you want and need in life is ever changing.” He says softly letting his words hang in the air as he gives me some space to think.
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“You think everything is going to change?” I say.
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“I don’t know what is going to happen that’s my whole point. Things change. We are connected and when those things change just know that I’ll be around to change with you” he whispers slowly.
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“But what if those changes don’t go in your favour, I’m always going to love him Matthew” I say slowly as he nods a wry smile on his lips.
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“Taylor, I have every hope that we will find ourselves again” he whispers before smiling at me reassuringly as I stare resolutely out of the dash at the mustang in front of us.
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“This is utterly delusional though because I love him and that’s not going to change” I tell him securely, we are fated to be friends and nothing more.
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“Delusional or just wishful thinking” he says.
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“A bit of both” I admit as the Ferrari eats up the road before us and I close my eyes briefly.
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“This is what I always wanted” he whispers before singing along to the music flowing out of the speakers into the Ferrari.
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“What is?” I whisper holding onto his thigh as I keep my eyes closed. If I don’t see his love in this moment then it doesn’t exist. I can deny him.
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“This, I mean us.” He says softly as the sun warms my bare skin and I choose to keep my eyes closed.
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