Matty's POV
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Flinging my leather jacket on I head down the ward. I cannot wait to see the back of this ICU. I breeze through reception, heading through the double doors and out towards the smoking area.
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Taylor touching me, Taylor's hands on my chest, Taylor pulling me into her body. It's all I can think about. I light up, close my eyes and breathe in.
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I woke up before she did this morning, her head rested on my chest and her body angled into mine. Just how we used to wake up together all the time before for years. I touched her hair, stroked her face and she moved closer into me. It's the sweetest torture I have ever endured.
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I open my eyes, exhale. Look into the distance and frown.
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"What's got you frowning" Olivia says and I stuff my free hand in my leather jacket. Inhale again, consider ignoring her and think better of it.
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"Nothing at all actually" I say defensively.
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She inhales her cigarette and sits down on the bench.
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"Matthew" she says and I flinch.
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"Just Matty" I say, I don't want her calling me Matthew.
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"Come sit down" she says and it's an order. I take a seat on the bench feeling the heat from the sun. I was standing in the cool shade and that was more comfortable.
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The sun beats down on us, and her hair looks like flames. I sigh and light up another. Inhale, close my eyes, exhale and steady my head. All of the thoughts, I blow them away.
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"Have you explained to her that this is literally doing you in ?" Olivia asks, she pulls on her cigarette. Breathing in her cheeks pinch together and then she breathes the smoke out into the distance.
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"How dare you presume about her." I say defensively. I'm rattled, she's provoking me.
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"Hey chill" she says, and it makes me feel the opposite. I'm furious that she would assume anything about Taylor, she doesn't know any of us.
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"Taylor is the love of my life. We're just going through this thing together. And I can't separate my feelings; about us when we were together and now with her being pregnant. The protectiveness, the instinct I have is fucking insane. I held her in my arms all night long. I held her and her unborn child and it felt right" I say and my eyes glaze over. How does she manage to get things out of me? I wouldn't tell anybody this.
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Olivia paints an expression of pity on her small face. Her little eyes watching me softly, empathy and compassion seeping through them.
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"Jesus, I'm sorry." I announce stroking my hair back, chucking my cigarette and standing up.
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"God that was more than heavy, I'm sorry you didn't need any of that" I add and I place my hands back in my pockets.
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"No I asked, and I understand" she says standing to face me.
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"And I care" she says softly, placing her cigarette down in the ashtray.
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"Well maybe you shouldn't. Maybe now that we're all out of the ICU you can stop caring about me and my problems" I chuckle.
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"Maybe not even then" she mutters looking down into her folded arms. It is true that she is pretty, yet I find myself unable to feel anything at all for her. The way she softens at my proximity, stroking her hair back and looking up into my eyes.
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"Hey" I say softly my hands in her red hair.
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"No, did you not get the memo? No falling, no wondering what if. None of that, I'm actually doing you a favour here" I say softly and she looks up at me an expression of annoyance and resignation on her face.
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"It's strange. I don't know you but I feel like I need to" she mutters and I frown again.
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"Why were you such a dick this morning" she asks of me and I stare down into light green eyes wondering how I'm going to make her realise she's worth more than me. She's worth more than being somebodies something rather than somebodies everything.
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"I wanted to piss you off" I say smirking.
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"Succeeded" she laughs.
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I stand there in the hot sun and watch her get closer to me. She reaches her hand up to my face and strokes it lightly.
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"I know you're a nurse, it is in your nature to care. But please honestly, this isn't ever going to work. That's me being realistic, not idealistic. And I need you to hear it" I say.
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"I hear it" she smirks and I wipe the smile off of my face, can't help it she makes me smile but I must not encourage her.
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"I don't buy it though" she says removing herself from my vicinity and walking away. I sigh tired of trying to control this woman and look out for her best interests. I let her walk ahead of me, and just as I'm watching her she glances back. A small smile spreading on her lips.
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"I'll be helping Ross out still, I'm not just ICU based. I'm going to make sure your friend gets better" she says determined, and I realise I love that about her. And even though I'm peeved that I'll be seeing her still, a small part of me is happy. Happy that I'll get to see her small smile and see the way she frowns looking at her clipboard.
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I catch up to her and we walk in step to the doors. She heads in through the automatic doors and I feel the welcome chill of the air con hit me.
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“Thank you” I whisper and she smiles.
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“For listening to me” I add and I feel like a child. She smirks and I laugh slightly.
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“I mean it, I care” she says simply and we head back up to the ICU, hopefully for the last time.
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